Anonymous #1 2d

“Gold star lesbian” is the antagonist of social pressure to date in a heterosexual and/or heteromantic sense. It is essentially saying “I never caved to social pressures” and it’s a bullshit thing, but it’s not bullshit for that reason

15

Anonymous #1 2d

They’re parroting gold star lesbian talking points. Look at their replies

9

Anonymous OP 2d

I didnt look at the post and I have some people in that thread blocked probably for obvious reasons lol but without that context and looking at "you're not a lesbian if you wanna fuck a dude" in isolation, my take is as above

3

Anonymous #3 2d

are you a lesbian?

1

Anonymous #4 2d

not who you adressed but i am a lesbian and i agree with their statement. Experimentation is part of figuring out sexuality but if you’ve realized you enjoyed a sexual encounter with a man then you aren’t a lesbian.

13

Anonymous #5 2d

do you think asexual people who have sex are not asexual?

10

Anonymous #5 2d

also do you not realize how this belief is just the statement "a man can fix you" but repackaged to seem more acceptable?

0

Anonymous #4 2d

we aren’t talking about asexuals we’re talking about lesbians. She could asexual and if she is then thats fine but if she had fun during a sexual encounter with a man after previously identifying as a lesbian then she isnt a lesbian shes just asexual

1

Anonymous #5 2d

i asked a yes or no question.

6

Anonymous #4 2d

can you elaborate?

4

Anonymous #5 2d

on? my yes or no question that was easily understandable?

0

Anonymous #4 2d

dont be rude, that was towards the “a man can fix you” statement. I’m genuinely curious as to how my words came off that way because i dont want to convey that message.

3

Anonymous #5 2d

by saying "you had sex with a man, you aren't a lesbian" you are just repackaging "if you are a lesbian, a man can fix you". people like you are the reason queer people are scared to go with a label they feel fits them. all this identity discourse, there's bigger issues that actually matter irl.

5

Anonymous #4 2d

Then i should rephrase, just because someone has had sexual experiences with men in the past doesn’t make them any less a lesbian. It’s the fact that this person had fun during their sexual encounter with a man that makes me question if they’re a lesbian or some other label. Don’t make assumptions about me like that from one comment section. i identify as a transmasc lesbian so you can imagine the ridicule ive experienced in queer spaces.

1

Anonymous #5 2d

i'm asexual and i have fun having sex. am i not asexual?

5

Anonymous #4 2d

well if that label fits you based off of your own lived experiences then sure, I’m not asexual so i have no stakes in this. But with lesbianism its defined as non men liking non men whether is sexual or physical attraction. If you’re able to separate sexual attraction from sexual pleasure because of your asexual identity then id see why you’d interpret this all differently.

11

Anonymous #5 2d

i can see i'm not getting through to you so i'll stop wasting my time. keep debating other people's identities but remember, at the end of the day, there's no "good queer". she's just as much a lesbian as you are.

-1

Anonymous #4 2d

Yes

1

Anonymous #5 2d

but others like myself can’t. and maybe the op is asexual cause their feelings would make more sense, but that doesn’t automatically make them a lesbian

10

Anonymous #5 2d

i think actually you're a demisexual panromantic nonbinary person. since we can just go around deciding what other people are and all.

6

Anonymous #4 2d

sure pal

3

Anonymous #5 2d

don't like it when it's done to you? aww that must suck. as a transmasc lesbian, you'd think you'd know what it's like for people to try and exclude you from your community. but apparently you don't if you go around doing the same thing to others. this community is a joke

-3

Anonymous #3 2d

at least this one’s honest about being ignorant

-2

Anonymous #4 2d

you’re the one blatantly harassing me here and throwing out mean comments left and right. you realize you’re part of the problem too when you behave like this

12

Anonymous #5 2d

tbf a lot of people consider label-policing rude and that’s what you did with your very first comment. since it’s about a real person, the anger is valid. also, #3’s original statement was self-contradictory (“you can experiment [fuck dudes] but fucking dudes isnt lesbian”) so I’m not sure why you agreed with them

-2

Anonymous #6 2d

honestly now that i reread that message idk why i agreed either. But regardless i think we both could be doing different things to make online queer spaces more comfortable. you’re right in that It’s not my place to tell people how they identify because in the end it doesn’t really matter. but can you see the hostile way in which you tried to educate me just creates a more defensive atmosphere devoid of understanding

17

Anonymous #5 2d

neither are good

9

Anonymous #5 2d

no l get it, you made a mistake and were treated badly for it. there's a lot of frustration around identity policing which is probs why #4 had that reaction, but that doesn't mean you had bad intent. it's still shitty that all this discourse is in response to a real person's questioning, but that just means we should probs take a step back from this

5

Anonymous #6 2d

I don’t think anything I said is ignorant… it’s not that deep. Obviously asexuality like you guys are arguing about it is something else entirely. But if you like to fuck men, you’re not a lesbian. If you’re sexually attracted to men, you’re not a lesbian. Maybe they’re an asexual lesbian, idk

13

Anonymous #3 2d

this has been argued abt so much on both this post and others. I’m not gonna engage more but I recc looking at other posts where ace people say their piece. ace people think abt the nuance of sexual attraction. also, asexuality is very connected to lesbianism since neither are attracted to men in that way :)

-2