Anonymous #2 2d

if a lesbian is attracted to a man regardless of if she enjoys the sex she is bi. not loving the bi erasure in this thread

27

Anonymous #3 2d

if you look at the comments in the original post the OP says she enjoyed the sex but didn't experience any sexual attraction to the man so we're talking about a completely different situation here that's more aligned with what asexuals experience then someone who's bi

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Anonymous #3 2d

What if I say it’s ace erasure to claim that enjoying sex=attraction because there’s ace people that enjoy sex but aren’t attracted to anyone. What then.

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Anonymous #2 2d

that still doesn’t add up because you’re ignoring all the other aspects of the split attraction model that makes up the ace identity. not experiencing sexual attraction with someone doesn’t mean you don’t experience other types of attraction. and from what was said in the original post, she absolutely sounds like she’s got some other type of attraction towards men going on if not inherently sexual 😭

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Anonymous #6 2d

1. I’m not ignoring any part of the ace identity considering I Am Ace 2. You can’t assume anyone is attracted to anyone else based on a digital post alone. She had sex with him, did enjoy it, can admit he’s an attractive man, but attractive doesn’t automatically mean shes attracted to him. Romantic attraction and sexual attraction are the two kinds that have official labels, so are the only ones that have to do with basic labeling.

15

Anonymous #2 2d

Ran out of space. There are also labels like aroace lesbian etc but for this topic they aren’t really relevant since it’s about a lesbian having sex with one man, enjoying it but not being attracted to him, and she has noted in other posts that she’s considered bisexuality but settled on it not being the case due to there being no romantic or sexual attraction towards men.

18

Anonymous #2 2d

didn’t see her other replies so i can admit it doesn’t apply to her, but some of those replies still aren’t it though. experimenting isn’t what bars anyone from being lesbian, what’s determined afterwards does. you cant experiment, come to the realization that you do experience some type of attraction towards men, and still claim to be lesbian. not experiencing traditional attraction isn’t automatically the same as no attraction. the quoted post isn’t mutually exclusive to what yall are saying

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Anonymous #6 2d

And she experimented and there was no sexual or romantic attraction so she is still a lesbian. All there is to it

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Anonymous #2 2d

im no longer talking about her specifically and agree. the general sentiments on some of those posts are another issue entirely 💔

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Anonymous #7 2d

they have the same faulty reasoning as transmedicalists. they think if we strictly enforce labels and definitions and police anyone who seems like edge cases or non-normative, then the LGBT community will gain respect from cisheteronormative society. it's not seeking queer liberation, but assimilation for some gays.

9

Anonymous #5 2d

just a reminder, theres nothing wrong with changing labels if you realize they may not apply to you anymore. But that shouldn’t be a discouragement from labeling yourself period. I think people get too butt hurt about others changing their labels because they see it as some sort of personal betrayal. Bottom line is do whatever you feel comfortable with because it’s your life.

23

Anonymous OP 2d

There will always be a portion of cishet society that doesn’t accept us. Even if everyone follows the “right” labels today, the goalposts will just change tomorrow. People don’t gain dignity by shrinking themselves to fit a specific box, they gain it by being allowed to exist without explanation.

9

Anonymous #5 2d

as a community we have a big problem with policing the labels of other people. it can range from stuff like this to telling it/its users that their pronouns are “problematic” bc of self-dehumanization. identity and attraction are complicated, and we can be wrong about ourselves sometimes. but that’s our journey, and it’s rude to criticize another’s journey when they’re not harming anyone else.

3

Anonymous #6 2d

then you’re being off-topic and getting mad at a hypothetical person 😭

12

Anonymous #7 2d

exactly my point. i don't think strictly enforced narrow labels benefit our community.

4

Anonymous #9 2d

how is it hypothetical when the people in talking about are right here… all you’ve gotta do is go back a couple reposts to see people genuinely rioting at the idea that you can’t be attracted to men AND lesbian. it’s no more off topic than bringing up completely unrelated community discourse to a statement that shouldn’t be controversial. the irony is that there’s a top post saying the exact same thing about gay men not being into women with zero pushback, but oddly only this is policing 🫩

0

Anonymous #6 2d

no one said that, you’re getting mad at a hypothetical person

4

Anonymous #6 2d

the gay guy post and these posts follow the same line of thinking but somehow you see them as contradictory, embarrassing

3

Anonymous #9 2d

they do follow the same line of thinking that’s my entire point friend. the guy post is untouched, meanwhile the lesbian post is the only one that got hostile at the exact same thing being said. and again just because you didn’t see it doesn’t mean it’s a hypothetical. it’s deadass right below this post lol

1

Anonymous #6 2d

no, the response posts lol. everyone’s telling you that you can’t police other people’s attractions, but somehow you think it’s different when you don’t like it.

4

Anonymous #6 2d

At what point on the KSOG can someone no longer identify as a lesbian? Why does someone else’s identity matter so much to you?

3

Anonymous #7 1d

it doesn’t matter to me, yall are conflating policing people’s attraction with answering a question and having different answers. anyone can be with whoever they want to be with because that experience is personal!! but the original question that sparked this was asking how to *define* their attraction. and i’m specifically talking about other people who had some crazy takes in response

1

Anonymous #6 1d

i don’t expect everyone to agree. but i do think it’s fair to expect good faith conversations that don’t spiral into so many baseless assumptions, hypocrisy, and unrelated arguments purely out of disagreement. that’s just as much policing the identity in general as controlling other people’s identities is

1