Anonymous #1 7w

Thankfully not my pic because I’d have had to stay and see the family or at least just the parents to fully process this. Next up on 19 Kids and Lost Count…

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Anonymous #2 7w

it doesn’t have anything to do with the kids, it’s the parents’ insistence on having more babies that’s unsettling people have pregnancy kinks (not saying that’s what this is) for reasons I will never understand 8 biological kids is at least 81 months of your life pregnant

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Anonymous #3 7w

Not to mention the fact that you cannot possibly equally divide the attention and parenting care that could go into it. Then the older siblings become the parental step-ins for the younger ones.

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Anonymous OP 7w

I was going to say this too but ik some families make it work — it takes a fucking village

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Anonymous #3 7w

Or it’s just a willingness to accept how many kids come. This was the norm until 50 years ago.

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Anonymous OP 7w

This simply isn’t true. I didn’t feel neglected by either parent even when one was mostly absent for work. Meanwhile there are plenty of kids with 1-2 child families who are very distant from their parents.

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Anonymous #2 7w

Even if it isn’t hostile, there is always a push and pull balance between the kids and parents. The more there are, the harder it is to manage that. Someone’s attention will be divided unevenly, even if not intentional. Older siblings miss out on their own lives because they have to take on parenting roles. People are not good at multitasking, even if they put on airs. Someone will always have the short end of the stick, and that gets rougher the more there are.

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Anonymous #2 7w

there’s so many preventative measures now that having that many children is 100% deliberate… I’m glad you and your siblings grew up in an environment that worked for you, but a lot of cases like this end up with a whole handful of kids with unmet needs

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Anonymous #3 7w

No there’s actively trying, actively preventing and accepting what comes. There is nothing wrong with accepting what comes. Which of those kids do you think shouldn’t be here?

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Anonymous OP 7w

I just can’t imagine thinking helping my siblings is somehow parenting them. What a sad and ungrateful way to look at life.

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Anonymous #2 7w

You’re either the older sibling charged with the parenting or the younger sibling who doesn’t understand what it’s like. 8 is entirely too many and some of y’all got less from the ‘rents. That’s not to say they’re bad people, but it’s not possible to manage that many folks evenly and fairly.

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Anonymous #2 7w

Is that what I said at all? No. I literally emphasized it has nothing to do with the kids. “Accepting what comes” is in the same lane as “actively trying” again, I’m glad you grew up with the support you need, but that isn’t the norm for large families

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Anonymous #3 7w

It’s not the same lane. Talk to anyone actively trying/struggling to conceive.

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Anonymous OP 7w

I can see you can’t accept families that don’t fit your narrative, but no. My family of 9 total kids feel grateful to our parents and each other. We’ve all had successful careers my parents dreamed of when making all those sacrifices. We grew up poor and yet unlike some of my wealthy classmates we’re all on good terms, have economic stability, very close as a family and no one’s addicted to drugs etc. I know it’s tough to have your narrative challenged but you may want to be more open-minded.

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Anonymous #2 7w

girl..if you and your family have been adequately provided for and paid attention to, im not talking to you. hit fogs holler but, my og post was about people having hella kids they cant provide for. and my comments were doubling down. but an exception is not the rule. im glad it worked out for yall. it doest for most.

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Anonymous #1 7w

i am happy for you and your familyand thats the goal. but it’s not reality for most. and thats the issue.

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Anonymous #2 7w

Hit dogs holler… that’s exactly right. Clearly something is awry.

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Anonymous #1 7w

Those kids deserve to be here. Thank goodness you had no say.

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Anonymous #1 7w

If that’s the goal stop talking down to big families telling them they can’t. We had nothing, super poor, bad neighborhood and we did it. Time to start empowering families rather than condescend to them. Just because you can’t do it doesn’t mean others can’t. The thing that’s awry is your mindset, imagine saying this to anyone speaking out against ignorance and trying to disenfranchise people. Families will continue to prove you wrong. Good luck.

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Anonymous #2 7w

Yeah, clearly it didn’t go as well as you think because something is off with you. I’m guessing it was the lack of attention and a sibling having to step in. You can pretend all you want, but it is an impossibility for 9 of y’all to have even attention and care. Hope you find healing!

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Anonymous #2 7w

Ew, that makes it sound like you’re pro-forced birth, too.

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Anonymous #5 7w

Because it quickly spirals into neglect of varying degrees.

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Anonymous #2 7w

they had many kids BECAUSE THEY KEPT DYING

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Anonymous #5 7w

how tf do you know what the mom is feeling or what her decisions are? how do you know there’s 0 neglect and that kids aren’t being parentified? just because it didn’t happen to you doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen in many other households. my friend was only the oldest of four but because the kids were had so far apart she basically couldn’t partake in any activities in high school because she was tasked with taking care of the baby all the time

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