Anonymous #1 5w

ok?

-7

Anonymous OP 5w

So why are you trying to talk in the third person or as someone else

14

Anonymous #3 5w

As stated in my post, every man I know has experienced sexual assault. Look in the comments and see multiple people saying “not every man I know has experienced sexual assault”. There’s a disproportionate amount of awareness.

-5

Anonymous #4 5w

your personal paranoia around others trying to disguise themselves is not my responsibility lol, I’m not hiding myself whatsoever

-6

Anonymous OP 5w

Doesn't answer my question thanks

7

Anonymous OP 5w

You replied in the third person 💀

15

Anonymous #4 5w

ok? How is that hiding? Who else would make this quote post? It would be hiding if I immediately shrunk away

-6

Anonymous OP 5w

Then just say my point instead of OP’s point

14

Anonymous #5 5w

Nah just wanted to isolate the conversations being had in that comment section since there were multiple people engaging disingenuously

-2

Anonymous #4 5w

cool, will take that into account in the future. My bad for using accurate terms.

-3

Anonymous OP 5w

It wasn’t accurate 💀

14

Anonymous OP 5w

then why pretend to be someone else by referring to yourself in the 3rd person

9

Anonymous #5 5w

Wasn’t my intention to pretend to be someone else, didn’t realize everyone would have such an adverse reaction to me referring to myself as OP (which I am).

-4

Anonymous OP 5w

i just don’t really get what the point of that post was. are you asking why women, who are mostly victim of SA from men, don’t band together with men and talk about how men are victims too?

13

Anonymous OP 5w

i also feel like the issue isn’t as much men being afraid to report their SA, but moreso not KNOWING that they were SAed/what happened to them was assault. definitely think we need to focus more on consent rather than trying to make it a competition between genders and assault

18

Anonymous OP 5w

like, men rarely support/talk about how frequently women are assaulted. if anything, i always hear those typical phrases of “she was asking for it” and “you can’t wear something like that and not expect attention,” etc. so why is it a woman’s responsibility to be activists for men’s SA when they should be speaking up for themselves?

12

Anonymous #5 5w

Firstly, we agree. Before we move on, maybe reread my actual comments?

-4

Anonymous #5 5w

And yes, I guess i am asking why women don’t band together with men about sexual assault when it’s brought up.

-2

Anonymous OP 5w

i don’t think there is a single woman anywhere who will hear a man’s story about being sexually assaulted, and immediately shut it down and say that women are SAed too. i’m sorry but as someone who is still facing the consequences of being assaulted by a man several times, i’m not going to advocate for men’s assaults when they can do that themselves

6

Anonymous OP 5w

if someone were to ask me about my experience being assaulted, i’m not immediately going to say “we can’t forget, it happens to men too!”. women always have to advocate for themselves re assault because men never do so, so why should i advocate for men when they won’t do it for us?

8

Anonymous #5 5w

Then we’re lost for hope if you’re the majority. Thankfully I don’t think you are, keep being isolationist in your attempts to undue patriarchy and rape culture. We need to be empathetic and come together without bias, if you cannot stand with men about sexual assault then you can’t ask men to stand with you. You need to build community or die in tribalism

-4

Anonymous OP 5w

And he still doesn't answer 😂

8

Anonymous OP 5w

if a man told me about his assault i would immediately stand with him, but i’m not going to advocate for something i’ve experienced , but for the person who did it against me. if that makes any sense. i think if all of your comments are getting downvoted then maybe you should just take a second to think

6

Anonymous #3 5w

I answered your question, your inability to think critically about what I said isn’t my responsibility

-3

Anonymous #5 5w

Its like, 2-3 people downvoting me who i guarantee are just mad at something im not saying. Also your comment doesnt make sense, not trying to be rude but didnt wanna give a half reply without giving a reason. You used two buts and a run-on sentence

-2

Anonymous OP 5w

that doesn’t answer why this was posted in “ask women” and not “ask men”

8

Anonymous OP 5w

sorry i wasn’t focusing on my grammar, next time i’ll be sure not to use runon sentences. didn’t realize that was your focus since it’s yikyak

1

Anonymous #6 5w

That you’ve known has been SA’d, maybe it’s who you attract to your circle. Because it definitely does happen to men less than it happens to women, and men don’t report it as much, but women also don’t report it as much as they should. I’m thinking that you find yourself surrounded by victims because you yourself view yourself as a victim in some way shape or form. And that’s who you attract and welcome into your life. Because it’s not every man. Men tend to be the main perpetrators of SA and -

12

Anonymous #6 5w

violence in this world. So yeah, men get SA’d too, but it’s not every man. That’s your perception of what’s happening because it’s who you surround yourself with. If you opened your circle, you’d realize it happens less than you believe it to happen. Still, I’m not saying it doesn’t happen or it isn’t valid, but it’s not on the same level as what happens to women.

7

Anonymous #6 5w

u ate with this

7

Anonymous #6 5w

I know victims because I am a victim and I can see the behavior of someone traumatized. I don’t “view myself as a victim” I am genuinely a rape survivor.

-2

Anonymous OP 5w

Likewise, but not everybody I surround myself with is as well. I have may close friends that haven’t experienced SA because I don’t actively seek out hurt people. I seek out people who are healthy and strong, regardless of if they’ve struggled, because it’s extraordinarily draining to be around people who have a constant victim complex.

7

Anonymous OP 5w

This is what I mean by deaf ears. You see me trying to talk about men’s sexual assault and immediately go “you’re victimizing yourself”. That’s some patriarchal rape culture bs. Check urself.

-2

Anonymous #5 5w

I just wanted to explain why I didn’t understand your sentence so you could rephrase :/

-2

Anonymous OP 5w

I’m not saying that you’re victimizing yourself because you’ve been raped, but you have an extreme victim complex just based on everything you’ve said in multiple posts. You’re just begging for attention and wanting people to feel sorry for you and agree with you and take pity on you when the world is harsh. You have to validate yourself and your pain and move on. You have to grow and be stronger because only predators want victims. That’s putting yourself in danger again.

10

Anonymous #6 5w

“I’m not saying you’re victimizing yourself, you just have a victim complex!” Literally STFU. I’m not dealing with this level of intolerant asshole behavior. You would be tearing a man a new one if you heard him saying anything like this about a woman.

-2

Anonymous OP 5w

No, I can recognize a victim complex from any gender identity. You, sir, have a raging one. You’re begging for everyone to agree with you that men are THE MAIN VICTIM and ALL MEN ARE VICTIMS when, if you look at the most traumatic and extreme things that have happened in the world, men are all the perpetrators of violence and extremist actions. You follow suit.

8

Anonymous OP 5w

if a man told me he was assaulted, i would immediately stand with him and do anything i could to support him. however, i’m not going to blindly advocate for men’s sexual assault when it’s rare and they’re often the perpetrators, and they belittle and joke about women’s assaults all the time. i think you just can’t quite understand it because you’re a man and don’t know what it’s like as a woman to talk about being assaulted to men and have them tell you that you were asking for it.

10

Anonymous #6 5w

Never once said either of those, go be a miserable fucking piece of shit somewhere else and stop telling a literal rape survivor to stop feeling like a victim. That’s sickening. Shame on you.

-2

Anonymous OP 5w

that’s not what they said. being a victim ≠ having a victim complex

7

Anonymous OP 5w

Shame on me? I’m making valid points and you’re calling me names 😭 You’re literally just growing that victim complex by the second by telling me that I’m belittling a rape victim when you’re actively doing the same. I don’t make being raped my personality though, as you seem to make it yours. Plus, men tend to joke about women’s assaults and make excuses for what they’ve done. Women’s sexual harassment’s and assaults are much more common than men’s, and you don’t see us adopting a victim —

7

Anonymous #5 5w

“when it’s rare” there it is. It’s just not rare. We disagree. I know men, I speak to men, I know women, I speak to women, both groups all deal with sexual assault. It is not rare for a man to be assaulted. Please go outside and actually talk to and befriend men so they feel comfortable talking to you.

-2

Anonymous OP 5w

It’s not rare for a woman to be assaulted either. Sexual assault is TOO COMMON for EVERYONE

-2

Anonymous OP 5w

most men i’ve spoken to do not gaf about men’s sa, i think that because your social circle is survivors, that it’s not as rare for you and something talked about often

10

Anonymous #5 5w

I do not seek out survivors, I talk to people.

-2

Anonymous OP 5w

i didn’t say you actively seek them out, i think it just happens to be who you surround yourself with unintentionally

5

Anonymous #5 5w

And I’m saying it’s something I discover as I talk to people. Organically. Every walk of life, I’m not unintentionally choosing someone specific because I have 0 regard for who I make friends with. I will hear out and speak to anyone who needs an ear. When you do that, you learn a lot more about people’s lives. You learn how fucked it is for everyone out here, we have a consent crisis in America that doesn’t discriminate on genders.

-1

Anonymous OP 5w

lowkey do u just ask people on the street if they’ve ever been assaulted or

11

Anonymous #5 5w

Maybe I just present myself as an overwhelmingly safe space *irl* (clearly failing online) ? But yea kinda. On the bus, on the train, in a club, etc. I talk to people, they tell me things, I ask them how those things felt, then they just randomly reveal something to me. I don’t ask “have you been assaulted” but I don’t back down when they say “oh this girl was ALL over me dude fuck”. I ask “how did that make you feel?”

-1

Anonymous OP 5w

It’s happened so often that I guess maybe I need to acknowledge that others don’t have this innate ability to be trusted in person, but I truly do meet so many people who just casually mention they got assaulted

-1

Anonymous #8 5w

This was literally my original point. He was trying to make this a competition...

5

Anonymous #8 5w

I’m not in any way trying to invalidate what you’re saying, but what am I supposed to think when I’m saying “all the men I know have experienced SA, all the women I know have experienced SA”. just because you have not been a safe space for the men in your life to open up doesn’t make this any less true. My entire point is men’s assault is not reported, surveyed, discussed, or taken seriously. This post is perfect evidence, this reply is perfect evidence, let’s raise awareness

-1

Anonymous #3 5w

It’s not a competition. But you guys make it one when you say “women are assaulted more” in response to me JUST SAYING “I think men are assaulted way more than we know and we should talk about it”. That’s falling on deaf ears. I don’t understand why it’s “believe victims” until it’s a man telling you that men can be (and frequently are) victims too.

-1

Anonymous OP 5w

You were making it seem like women are higher perpetrators than men than usual. Men will SA other men more frequently than a woman will SA another man

1

Anonymous OP 5w

i think assault for both genders happens a LOT more frequently than most ppl realize and both women and men that i know have had situations where i’m like “oh no, that’s assault are u okay?” they just didn’t even realize it or they’ve had blatant awful things happen to them. again though, i can remember how many men i know that have experienced that and i couldn’t begin to count the amount of women.

1

Anonymous OP 5w

i think i understand what ur trying to say but ur defensiveness is coming off as “all men are victims too” when this is a fight that women have had to endure at much greater lengths than men have ever had to historically and currently. so as a woman who has experienced assault and 🍇 more times than i can count, what ur saying hits me pretty hard. i don’t think this is a man vs woman debate. it’s simply fighting for survivors of all genders and orientations.

6