Anonymous #1 5w

It’s mainly this community that I find the most people who dismiss the idea that men are not reporting their sexual assaults.

-6

Anonymous #2 5w

And rape

20

Anonymous #4 5w

It’s just extremely hard to report, I didn’t even report when I was raped bc I had 0 evidence or proof and couldn’t get a rape kit

12

Anonymous OP 5w

I think you underestimate male on male rape as well. I think men are even less likely to report that out of embarrassment

16

Anonymous #4 5w

But shouldn’t it be just more of a rallying cry to band together behind, the fact we’re all experiencing this unilaterally but everyone’s afraid to speak up? Instead of diminishing the men’s assault by saying “yah women go through it too” ? Aren’t both abhorrent?

1

Anonymous OP 5w

Because as I stated in my post, *every* man I know has experienced sexual assault to some degree. It’s not just women dealing with this, we have a crisis of consent in America

2

Anonymous OP 5w

But I never said “yah women go through it too”. I’m not diminishing it at all. I’m literally a person who was raped and my rapist never got justice

10

Anonymous #4 5w

Plus it’s more likely than a women assaulting a man

7

Anonymous OP 5w

I didn’t specify a gender btw. No one I know who has ever been saed, whether it was a man being assaulted by another man, a man assaulted by a woman, a woman assaulted by another women, a woman assaulted by a man, never have known a single case to be reported.

15

Anonymous #4 5w

I asked “how come… it falls on deaf ears” you said “because…” my apologies for thinking you were answering directly

-3

Anonymous #4 5w

And you did mention gender, you said “because every woman.. “

-2

Anonymous OP 5w

Did you know that 80% to 93% of sexual assault and rape to men is by other men

13

Anonymous #4 5w

I think as a bisexual man and victim of both man/man and woman/man assault I’m very aware of this. Your comment “it’s more likely than a woman assaulting a man” is the dismissive part I’m talking about- if there’s underreporting on both sides how can you make these claims about one being more likely than another

-4

Anonymous #2 5w

Did you know we’re talking about underreporting? And using statistics to try and discuss this is literally the definition of “falling on deaf ears”? You’re doing the thing

-1

Anonymous OP 5w

I just looked it up and it seems like about 15% of rapes are reported by women and 10% by men

12

Anonymous OP 5w

Explaining why it’s less acknowledged doesn’t mean I think it should be less acknowledged. SA in general isn’t acknowledged enough

8

Anonymous #2 5w

This gotta be ragebait, done engaging with u

-2

Anonymous OP 5w

“I don’t know a single person who’s ever reported it” Not every man I know has been sad, but every women I know has been

14

Anonymous #4 5w

That’s fair, I definitely took your comments the wrong way and I apologize for that

0

Anonymous OP 5w

As in yes men do report it less but it’s a big problem on each side and not enough of a difference like that one comment said that women rape men just as much or something

5

Anonymous OP 5w

Stating facts is not dismissing, we are simply stating that it’s unreported in general. Why would we focus on just male victims when no one is reporting assaults? You are kinda being dismissive towards all other victims by trying to put the focus on only men assaulted by women

5

Anonymous #4 5w

but I said in this post I genuinely do know that every man I know has been SA’d. Consider that you might not be a safe space for the men in your lives?

-2

Anonymous OP 5w

Rape statistics are gathered through surveys not arrest rates. Since as we know it’s like 1% of rapists who ever get convicted

5

Anonymous OP 5w

Honestly in my experience most of the men I know who are queer have been assaulted at least I know of but I don’t know personally of any straight men or men who have been by women, I know they exist though obviously, but I’m just saying people I know

14

Anonymous #4 5w

“Stating facts is not dismissing” until you’re using faulty data. I’m not dismissing other victims by trying to bring attention to the fact that men are victims quite as often as women, but are conditioned not to talk about it or even told “hey that’s a good thing!”. There’s a lot that goes into why men don’t report SA, and it’s interesting that everytime I bring it up I just get statistics thrown in my face

-5

Anonymous OP 5w

Which, again, we have to admit that if there’s a MASSIVE underreporting issue then all of these statistics are inaccurate

-3

Anonymous #4 5w

And when I say “underreported” I also mean surveys

-3

Anonymous OP 5w

What faulty data have I used

5

Anonymous OP 5w

I’m sorry and a man being assaulted is just as serious as a woman but men are not victims as often as women

14

Anonymous OP 5w

So then you have no way of knowing if men are saed as often as women are and you should stop making claims you cannot back up. This is a sensitive topic and I will remind you again you are speaking to a rape victim

6

Anonymous #2 5w

Exactly

10

Anonymous #4 5w

Any statistic about rape/assault percentages ? It’s literally all too low, across the board, and im trying to say that i believe men are reporting significantly less than women. Theres so many reasons for this, i dont think we rly need to beat a dead horse about men and emotions, but it doesnt make sense to say “no ones reporting! But look at these reports theyre factual!”

-3

Anonymous #4 5w

And I’ll remind you I’m also a victim. Child rape victim.

-3

Anonymous OP 5w

Literally didn’t say that

7

Anonymous OP 5w

If you are going to use quotations you better actually use my words

8

Anonymous OP 5w

Then don’t dismiss the fact that women are disproportionately the victims of sexual violence in this country. Fuck off

6

Anonymous #4 5w

Ok. You are not able to engage with this in a level headed manner so I’m going to disengage. I hope you can reread what I said and understand that I am not diminishing other victims, but instead trying to bring awareness to an underrepresented group of victims. If you want to keep trying to silence men talking about their experiences go for it, add fire the flame of society.

-3

You downvoted me stating that I’m a child rape victim. Take a walk outside for sec.

-3

Anonymous OP 5w

I’m not level headed because you are being disingenuous. You don’t want us using rape stats or crime stats yet you want to make the baseless assumption that men are victims of sexual crimes just as often as women are?!?! Please

6

Anonymous OP 5w

You assume that was me? Another child rape victim? Please check yourself

4

Anonymous OP 5w

I agree with a lot of that you’re saying until it comes to insisting that men are raped as often as women bc that’s just simply not true. Men do report it less I’m sure and it’s just as serious. But even using the arguments of physical strength and how many men hyper focus on wanting sex but not being able to get it from anyone vs that never really happening for women alone (for woman on man assault at least)

19

Anonymous #5 5w

#2 talking out of their ass pay them no attention lmao

-2

Anonymous #3 5w

Looked into this and when you reverse search or search it in general all that comes up are Reddit posts. And when you actually look into that same institution that’s put on this graph, their statistics show this

12

Anonymous #2 5w

Again same exact institution gov site same year as your fake Reddit posted on group talking about Stacy’s graph

9

Anonymous #6 5w

I’ve never told a single person and it’s happened twice

6

Anonymous OP 5w

the only time i’ve ever heard women in this community dispute stuff like that is when it’s brought up as a counter to us already talking about female sexual assault victims.

5

Anonymous #1 5w

we have no problem when men bring up facts and personal experiences relating to male sexual assault victims. but we have a problem when it is used to silence and dismiss our own experiences as individuals and as women

8

Anonymous #3 5w

we actually have GOT to be fr.

5

Anonymous #6 5w

Even when you give someone the report to file people will either lie or rush through it to get it over with. A lot of consensus forms the gov has don’t equate to actual statistics at all. You’re dismissing the points everyone’s making to victim blame and point fingers

1

Anonymous #4 5w

I reported mine immediately, with a fuck ton of evidence, went to trial, still lost. It is incredibly hard to get justice. I sympathize with men who have gone through the same thing but it’s something that affects us all regardless of gender

7

Anonymous #9 5w

i’m sorry you’re getting a lot of backlash from what seems to me to be a venting of frustration about an issue that bothers you. it may benefit you to consider that the reason this very valid issue is falling on deaf ears (including this community) is that most women exclusively hear this issue brought up in the context of whataboutism when discussing women’s struggles with rape culture. as a result many women assume that this argument is only being brought up to minimize their struggles rather

9

Anonymous #9 5w

than making a good-faith effort to address the specific social issue. i want you to think about past times you’ve tried to bring this topic up and consider what was being talked about at the time when you brought it up and consider if it’s possible that your intentions were misinterpreted because of the way/time you introduced the topic. regardless of what your answer is once considering this, i think you will have more success in the future discussing this topic if you take a second to agree

18

Anonymous #9 5w

I wholeheartedly agree with everything you’re saying here, up until that bit about “times I’ve brought it up in the past”. IRL, absolutely nobody has the gall to say some of the things in this comment section. It is purely this community that has this reaction, and if trolls are enough to throw a wedge in people’s empathy then that’s something worth calling out. Just because others are evil (like how some women are bad) doesn’t make everyone evil (just like how that doesn’t make women bad)

1

Anonymous #9 5w

with and validate the person you’re talking to before clarifying the point you’re trying to make, because i’m sure you do agree with the fact that women are victims of assault at incredibly high rates and it IS vastly underreported. i think saying that and then saying something like ‘i’m not trying to minimize or trivialize that, it’s absolutely a huge issue, it’s just not the one i’m talking about right now’ will get you a lot farther in future conversations than you’ve gotten in the past

1

Anonymous #9 5w

I really want you to look at everything I said and tell me if my words are genuinely giving any reason to believe this is a “whataboutism” or in any way meant to diminish women. I’m very open to getting my words dissected, so please do not hold back.

0

Anonymous #3 5w

Ok then cite them :)

5

Anonymous OP 5w

pause, i think you’ve misunderstood what i was trying say just a little bit, let me clarify. i do not think that this post is an issue of whataboutism in the slightest. i think that the people reading it fear that it is intended to be a ‘gotcha’ kind of whataboutism because that is how the topic you’ve introduced is most often brought up. i think that is why you are being met with a lot of hostility right off the bat. i think you are then reading that hostility and recognizing it as whataboutism

3

Anonymous #10 5w

No

1

Anonymous OP 5w

Ok, I’m sorry you feel like people don’t care then :(

1

Anonymous #9 5w

So if nothing I said here is whataboutism, how is it my fault others are blasting their personal biases on this topic onto me? Rather than reading and understanding my words? Their fear about a “gotcha” shouldn’t throw a wedge in the empathy for men being sexually assaulted. It’s either “believe all victims” or we don’t.

5

Anonymous OP 5w

And I think that’s worth calling out.

1

Anonymous OP 5w

lowkey yall what is whataboutism

1

Anonymous #10 5w

I appreciate the empathy

6

Anonymous OP 5w

everyone believes all victims that isn’t the point about what anyone is saying at all

1

Anonymous OP 5w

like what are you expecting women to do? walk down the street with signs that say “men get assaulted too”? if a man is assaulted i’ll immediately stand with him, but really, what are we supposed to do otherwise?

1

Anonymous #9 5w

(and it is to some degree) BUT you aren’t that the reason they’re bringing it up is because they think you’re doing whataboutism. i think everyone in the thread seems trapped in a cycle of assuming the other person has ill intentions and i think you could resolve a lot of this by clarifying through agreement (you’re right, i do know that statistic, im not disagreeing with you at all etc). all of that is just advice for the second part of your question which is why is it falling on deaf ears

2

Anonymous #7 5w

Imagine, for a second, switching this: ***NOT MY BELIEFS BEFORE U GUYS GET IT TWISTED*** “” What do you expect men to do? Walk down the street with signs that say “women get assaulted”? If a woman is assaulted I’ll stand with her, but otherwise what am I to do? “”

-1

Anonymous #9 5w

*aren’t recognizing

5

Anonymous #9 5w

This is perfect victim-ism

-1

Anonymous OP 5w

if this is coming from a man that has never assaulted anyone and is king of consent, i would say there’s really not much he can do other than inform others about consent i guess

3

Anonymous #9 5w

i’m not sure i understand what you mean in the second half of your comment that starts with “i wholeheartedly agree…” can you clarify that last sentence and a half (starting with ‘if trolls…’

4

Anonymous #3 5w

Also this is an incredibly weird comment though add “lmao” to the end of

4

Anonymous #7 5w

That’s what I’m trying to do, raise awareness. I don’t think I’m perfect but I’ve never once assaulted someone, never once sexually harassed someone, and I like to think after 10yrs of therapy for being raped as a child that I have a good sense of consent now. And I do go out and try to teach people about consent.

0

Anonymous #9 5w

In that part of my comment I was pointing out how it’s problematic to say “oh they’re just scared of trolls” in order to excuse people disregarding sexual assault on men. You can’t be telling me that I have to police every single one of my words in order to not trigger the fear of trolls, when all I’m doing is advocating for awareness of men’s sexual assault. Empathy shouldn’t be impeded by fear of an unrevealed threat. You can’t be guarded, but that doesn’t mean lack of empathy is excusable.

2

Anonymous #7 5w

whataboutism is when you bring up an issue and someone else says “well what about X?” in a way that intends to undermine or even nullify the original argument simply by bringing up another issue

10

Anonymous OP 5w

Because again, nothing I’ve said should be giving the impression that I’m a troll. Yet still, I am met with the hostility as though I am trolling. Or trying to ragebait. That reveals a significant lack of empathy for men’s sexual assault, where just the mere mention of it invokes the idea of trolls rather than “sexual assault is awful”.

3

Anonymous OP 5w

wait what did i say that was victim-ism? i can’t see which comment you’re responding to. sorry but could you also explain what you mean by that term, i don’t know it

9

Anonymous #3 5w

I don’t claim this statement just to be clear, I believe men are sexually assaulted just as much as women. I don’t believe men are raped by women as much as women are raped by men. Since you guys have a bad impression of me figured I’d clear the air rather than just not acknowledge this.

-1

Anonymous #9 5w

“Perfect victim”-ism, the idea that in order to speak up about sexual assault you need to be a perfect exemplary character. Specifically this part, where you’re asking a victim to worry about others sensibilities first rather than their own experiences and sharing their stories. Imagine telling a woman that before she talks about SA she needs to acknowledge men get SA’d. It’s one of the biggest reasons people don’t report their assaults, because they have to tiptoe on eggshells to talk about it

6

Anonymous OP 5w

Also meant to say “you can** be guarded”

0

Anonymous OP 5w

im so tired of getting notified about this thread can yall take it to dms or make a new thread for the love of god

1

Anonymous #7 5w

Turn of notis in top right with the bell

3

Anonymous OP 5w

OMFG. i didn’t even know that was a THING. i wish i learned that MONTHS ago holy fuck

8

Anonymous #7 5w

😭😭 you poor soul, be free now lmao

6

Anonymous OP 5w

i agree completely with everything in this comment. i was trying to further explain why i thought you were having so many issues in this community specifically, and how i thought you could mitigate some of that. it is absolutely NOT something you should have to do and im sorry my phrasing placed all of the burden on you to heavily police yourself in order to facilitate what should naturally be a good-faith discussion about a serious issue.

5

Anonymous #9 5w

I appreciate that acknowledgment, I understood what you were trying to do however i think its extremely important to point out that this sort of thing is becoming rampant in this community. As it’s the opposite of progress, and part of why it feels these things fall on “deaf ears”. Hopefully others read this interaction and understand. Thank you for being patient and understanding.

6

Anonymous #9 5w

also (just for clarity !!) the part you screenshotted was a a suggestion for if you meet resistance, not something for you to start a post with. HOWEVER that does nothing to change the fact that you shouldn’t have to police yourself and there are a number of commenters here who are not treating you fairly or with respect. i’m sorry that this is an issue that’s so hard to bring up and i absolutely agree that the only way to talk about it is to talk about it.

4

Anonymous #9 5w

i’m really really sorry you’re being met with such hostility and dismissal. i’m not sure that i have an understanding for why it’s happening or a solution to it aside from my guesses and (bad/victim-ism) suggestion above, all i can say is you (obviously) don’t deserve it and i hope you have a better audience the next time you try to address the issue

4

Anonymous OP 5w

i feel like you have to be so horrifically ignorant to think that men are SAed as much as women are. this is so horrific

7

Anonymous OP 5w

like is this based on any statistic or just “i’ve talked to some guys they’ve all been assaulted too” ? like this is SO ignorant

6

Anonymous #9 5w

thank you for being patient with me, i’m also sorry for any/every part of my comments that were ignorant and/or hurtful.

6

Anonymous #2 5w

Did you actually read the study there’s a page that corroborates the graph it isn’t fake lmao

1

Anonymous #2 5w

genq though, how tf do you survey for underreporting? doesn’t that inherently also have underreporting 😭

6

Anonymous #11 5w

The idea is people who are too afraid to go to the police publically would be more likely to disclose that they were a victim in a private survey

3

Anonymous #4 5w

I suppose but there will still be underreporting especially from those who don’t realize/repressed that they were assaulted

4

Anonymous #11 5w

Ofc, but it does help a ton besides that one subsection of victims. That’s why I wasn’t able to report my rape it was repressed and I didn’t fully realize until half a year after the fact

4

Anonymous #4 5w

fair points, I’m speaking from my own experience as someone who was in denial about it for years, but I see how that makes sense. it’s still unfortunate that a survey about underreporting still experiences underreporting, but it’s made in a way to counter that in the ways it can. ty for explanation

1

Anonymous #11 5w

Yeah surveys are always going to have survey bias as well

1