Ask Men on Sidechat | a lot of the comments are about women who hurt them made them not care about hurting others. my question is why aren't we tackling our trauma in healthier ways and taking our own trust issues on innocent people?

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Ask Men 2w

a lot of the comments are about women who hurt them made them not care about hurting others. my question is why aren't we tackling our trauma in healthier ways and taking our own trust issues on innocent people?

Ask Men 2w

Do guys every feel bad or regret hurting a girl with genuine intentions

Anonymous 2w

Because men have been raised and socialized with no tools to work out their emotions properly, and since the average person can’t be bothered to work on themselves, they don’t

Anonymous 2w

Therapy can be fairly expensive, financially and emotionally. Anytime I’ve opened up to partners, my emotional needs were conditionally met/used to hurt me in the future. Literally had a partner tease me about past SI, because I made her wait 20 minutes and she was hangry. I have never taken my issues out on other people, I don’t even take them out on the people who hurt me. But it really sucks sometimes dude. I’m in therapy slowly working on it

Anonymous 2w

That was one guy.

Anonymous 2w

What trauma

Anonymous 2w

Learning not to trust people you date isn’t a trust issue, it’s the solution to one. ARE there healthier ways? A lack of trust would only be a “trust issue” if you’re wrong. If you don’t expect much from people, you’re never let down

Anonymous

#5 2w

you should definitely trust the people you decide to date, but yeah sure if you never trust people you'll never be let down but you'll also be lonely

Anonymous

OP 2w

If that’s what your experience teaches you, then I’m sincerely very happy for you. But as a guy, I was a lot lonelier when I was stupid. Someone ghosts you when you had no replacements lined up? Lonely. Gf cheats after you let yourself care too much? Lonely. Have to spend time getting over someone before you date again? Lonely. Yes, trusting someone who’s trustworthy would be ideal. But in the absence of such a person? A guy will usually choose between the limited options he actually has.

Anonymous

#5 2w

So that's not a "solution" nor at all a healthy way to approach life. I understand you have trauma, but that doesn't give you a reason to not trust anyone ever again. Trust issues can mean its harder for you to let people in and to earn your trust, and that's okay!! However its up to you as an emotionally mature individual to find better ways to work through your issues. Assuming everyone is gonna hurt you is a surefire way to hurt yourself.

Anonymous

OP 2w

Do you? That makes one of us. Im talking about information, not trauma, and thats a great reason. If you burn your hand every time you touch the stove, is it unhealthy to learn and be more careful with it in the future? Imo, learning from that mistake is healthier. You might take information AND trauma from that experience, but which are you reacting to? Learning from your mistakes IS the solution to them. And “you’ll hurt yourself if you stop hurting yourself”… well, hasn’t been my experience.

Anonymous

#5 2w

And I’m not “never trusting anyone again”. I trust lots of people, in lots of situations. Just not women, about specifically dating. (Sorry, I was trying to be nice about it. But I guess sounded broader and more cynical than I meant.) And you don’t have to assume everyone will hurt you to just quit giving them easy chances to

Anonymous

#5 2w

except women aren't stoves? its not a guarantee a women is gonna hurt you if you decide to trust her. as i said before being guard with your heart and not trusting easily is different than just assuming every women is gonna hurt you. also yes its trauma if you have experienced women breaking your trust beforehand, especially if they cheated on you. trust me that shit is not easy to work with. however inside of assuming every man i date will cheat on me and i took time to heal.

Anonymous

OP 2w

and eventually started dating again, and was clear from the beginning that i have issues with trusting men. my current boyfriend proved my assumptions wrong by understanding my apprehension and trauma, and working with me to slowly build up trust. it's the best relationship i've ever had. i hope that you can find that one day instead of letting the women who hurt you, dictate the rest of your dating life

Anonymous

OP 2w

Of course women aren’t stoves. I can think of a hundred differences. That just isn’t one of them. Sure, maybe somewhere out there is one who would defy my observations, and maybe she has a stove you can safely touch while it’s red hot. I’d be a fool to dismiss anything outside my own experience as impossible. But I’d be a bigger fool to ignore what I’ve observed in every woman I’ve ever dated/known anything about her personal life. If you flip a coin and get heads a hundred times in a row, MAYB

Anonymous

#5 2w

E it’s a coincidence. But probably, it’s a double sided coin. But you wouldn’t call it trauma to consider it more likely the next one is gonna be heads too. (And yes I know women aren’t coins either. I’m explaining it very universally makes sense for evidence to influence your expectations and informed decisions and that’s reasonable)

Anonymous

#5 2w

and i'm saying people don't follow any of those examples but what do I know im just someone who had go through years of therapy to work through her issues in order to be able to trust men again. i hope you realize that its not healthy to resent women they way you do one day and finally open yourself up to them.