Adoption is pricey, like 20,000+ dollars pricey. It’s traumatic- the biological family is traumatized, the child (no matter the age) is traumatized, and the adoptive parents are often faced with difficult conversations, choices, and emotions around it. Adoption is NOT for everyone, and guilting young couples for not choosing it is NOT going to benefit anyone, certainly not the kids.

79

Literally! As someone who was born through IVF, I am not the least bit traumatized about knowing I was born like that because there's really nothing to be traumatized about. Oh no.. My parents had fertility issues so they seeked medical intervention... The horror. Like that is NOTHING compared to an old friend of mine who was literally separated from his siblings due to the foster care system.

49

IVF on the other hand is generally a less traumatizing experience- the kid knows fundamentally that they are wanted and loved, there is no fears of abandonment, there is no difficult family connections between bio family and adoptive family, and the parents do not need to navigate what is a long, exhaustive legal process. It is OK to prefer one method over another, ESPECIALLY SINCE ITS YOUR MONEY AND YOUR LIFE.

35

As an international adoptee this is particularly apt, when you adopt you are not ‘replacing’ having a child, you are taking a child someone already had, could not or would not take care of, and raising them in an environment foreign (quite literally in my case) to them as though they were your own, flaws and features all included. Adoption does not exist on the same page let alone book as IVF, foster care, or just having sex.

33

So instead of adoption, do we just let those kids stay in foster care? Do we just say f those kids and not adopt them?

16

Lastly, I find these conversations particularly frustrating as an adoptee. Many people starting these arguments over bio kids vs adoption/fostering in reality are NOT adopted themselves and come from biological families. The issue is that their perspectives on the “issue” lack one key element- which is that adoption is TRAUMATIC. ALL THE TIME, EVERY TIME. And successful adoptions happen when adoptive parents are completely aware of this and are well equipped to deal with this trauma.

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2. Have no issues feeling integrated to the culture I live in. Adopting a child is just as random as having a biological one, and typically they have more mental health problems associated with a lack of feeling of security as an infant. Whatever you do, do your research. Adoption is as beautiful as having a biological child, it just comes with different hardships.

12

1. Yes I have a twin sister who was adopted (she is my age so we’re essentially twins). Obviously my parents love both of us equally and did everything they could to enrich her in her own culture, but aside from the trauma of not knowing why her biological parents gave her up and that separation, she is a woman of color who was raised in a White environment. She has a TON of trauma associated with it all. Now I have many other friends adopted at the same time from the same culture, who seem to

10

As someone whose mother was adopted and who has a brother that was placed for adoption when my parents were in their teens, I can vouch and say that adoption is never as easy or cut and dry as other like to say. It’s why I’m pursuing a masters of social work. Even my professors barely talk about adoption

8

sure adoption is traumatic but isn’t not getting adopted even more traumatic?

6

as an IVF baby created through an egg donor (genetically related to dad, not mom even though she carried me), no i am not traumatized. your family is who raise you and care for you, not blood.

1

But what if someone was adopted at a super young age that they don’t even remember the process? And don’t have any interaction with their bio parents?

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