
I ADORE the overuse of commas and grammatical fluff!! A bit of punctuation that might help- it helps me because I also use a lot of commas as well (top mark by my teachers was always huge circles on every comma haha)- ; is huge for “run on” sentences. When used properly it can take a run on sentence and turn it into something grammatically correct, even if long sentence
I LOVE lengthier sentences and “fluffier” prose (two of my favorite authors are V.E. Schwab and Oscar Wilde)! So I really do enjoy reading this. That being said, I think even with more “complex” writing styles, there still has to be a little succinctness to them; I usually achieve this through picking a few of the longer sentences to keep and shortening the ones around them. It keeps a better flow (which I also recommend reading your work aloud to hear the rhythm) and it’s also good for-
I love the way you describe things! I would definitely break some of your longer sentences up into shorter ones though. The tone and personality of the character absolutely come through in your writing, the long sentences just make it difficult to keep track of what’s going on since there isn’t really any spots where your mind can take a break in between sentences to process, if it makes sense! Anyway, whatever you’re writing seems very interesting and cool! I’d love to hear more abt it :D
lol okay. i guess i appreciate the brutality but that is rather brutal. I agree with the other comments that I need to cut down on my sentences and murder my darlings some but I must admit I disagree with you when it comes to writing like I’m talking to someone. I’m a terrible speaker. But I will take the advice and read some Wallace.