Anonymous #2 2w

That’s the problem — I have a beard, but I don’t look like a man. If I could casually pass as a man, it’d be a no-brainer. But most cis people see me and auto-ID me as “some kind of trans,” sometimes assuming afab and sometimes assuming amab… I usually assess what I can pass as ‘best’ in the moment and go with that, but I’ve been catching comments, stares (& Seem to be inviting public debate) both ways regardless. I simply want to use the bathroom without having an anxiety attack 🥲🥲

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Anonymous #3 2w

How would my statement be incorrect? With OP’s reply, I understand that the situation isn’t that simple for them due to their circumstances, but if a trans man looks male he should not be in the women’s restroom.

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Anonymous #2 2w

"if you have a beard/look like a man, you need to be using the men's restroom" is transphobic asf and idk how you don't see that. non-passing transfems don't "need" to use the men's room. cis women who look like men don't "need" to use the men's room. masculine women with PCOS don't "need" to use the men's room people need to use whichever bathroom aligns with their identity, regardless of presentation

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Anonymous #2 2w

presentation is not the deciding factor in which bathroom should be used. this exact thinking leads to trans *and* cis people (mainly women) being harassed and assaulted

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Anonymous #3 2w

i think that for the safety of the person at hand, it is safer to use the men’s. of course in an ideal world presentation wouldnt be the deciding factor. but if a woman sees a person with a beard in the women’s restroom, that person is at risk of assault FROM WOMEN or harassment from police being called. In my experience cis men are less vigilant in bathrooms and less likely to be ‘on the lookout’ for trans people.

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Anonymous #1 2w

would've been safer for us black folks to stay in the back of the bus. would be safer for undocumented immigrants not to go out. a lot of things could be safer, and i never said otherwise none of that constitutes a *NEED* for those people to do whatever is allegedly "safer", especially when the harm is not an inherent risk to the task but rather an implicit threat by bigots. the toilet doesn't carry a glock

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Anonymous #1 2w

there's a difference between "it would be safer, be careful" and "you NEED to be in there because it's safer". one of these places a totally unjustified burden on people who don't conform to binary gender norms

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Anonymous #3 2w

yknow what that’s completely true, and i definitely agree that it’s not a necessity to pick the ‘safer’ option, just wanted to throw in my two cents as someone in a similar situation to OP and who has been looking this way for a bit now. and for the record i do use both bathrooms depending on the situation so i definitely don’t think its somehow a requirement to please cis people or make them feel comfortable. you’re right that just trying to do what is easiest will still get trans ppl hurt.

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Anonymous #1 2w

and for the record i dont agree with #2 that a beard = MUST go to mens. from what i understand OP just wants to pee without getting stares/weird comments and from my perspective, having not seen them but knowing how women have reacted to my facial hair in similar situations, the men’s may be a preferable experience.

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