Trans Talk on Sidechat | sometimes i'm a shitty person and i think shitty things and i want to confess them, but even on an anonymous app i feel like im sabotaging my community if i say it. so instead i just let it fester inside me and make me feel like an even worse person.

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Trans Talk 7w

sometimes i'm a shitty person and i think shitty things and i want to confess them, but even on an anonymous app i feel like im sabotaging my community if i say it. so instead i just let it fester inside me and make me feel like an even worse person.

Anonymous 7w

I don’t wanna armchair diagnose, but have you considered the possibility that you have OCD? I’m no psychologist so take this with a grain of salt, but I do have OCD and the “I’m a horrible person and need to confess to all of my horrible thoughts” is a very common obsession I have. Especially since ‘bad’ people don’t tend to worry about being bad (Obligatory go to an actual doctor if you think you could have ocd, don’t just take my word for it)

Anonymous

#1 7w

my last therapist was actually bringing that up 💔 we stopped trying to figure it out because i got so freaked about "oh im actually going to be lying on this whole screening and no answers will be true" that i messed up the entire thing

Anonymous

#1 7w

i don't know enough about it to say whether i probably do or don't, but apparently i definitely have the obsessions, at least. i just can't recognize if i have compulsions

Anonymous

OP 7w

The “lying on the screening” thing is also VERY common in those with OCD! And I struggled with the compulsion thing too, I think (just guessing) that your need to be ‘completely 100% honest’ is actually a compulsion, as you feel compelled to go out of your way to make a statement. I found that reassurance seeking is a huge one that goes overlooked

Anonymous

#1 7w

yeah that would make sense unfortunately 💔 i have a lot of self inflicted rules and regulations around lying, and thoughts/judgements on even those rules. maybe i should hop back on seriously looking for a therapist lol

Anonymous

OP 7w

my old mentor for my learning disability program said once after i got evaluated for adhd and i was telling her i was really concerned that i had been performing the test all wrong and doing it better or worse than i normally would, and she said, well, did you try to do it differently? and i said no. and she said well that's all you can do. and that really helped me to be like, it's asking for me as i am now, and so what i give them is my honest attempt and is valid. also i'm in therapy now lol

Anonymous

#2 7w

i think one of the issues is i feel like i wont be able to tell if im lying or not, and that i clearly know what the ocd answers are vs aren't so im inherently biased and have the capacity to change my answers in order to appear more or less ocd </3