Trans Talk on Sidechat | i’m realizing that my partner is an avoidant whenever there is even the slightest bit of miscommunication or conflict, how can i, someone that prioritizes working through things together, and wanting reassurance address this?

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Trans Talk 4w

i’m realizing that my partner is an avoidant whenever there is even the slightest bit of miscommunication or conflict, how can i, someone that prioritizes working through things together, and wanting reassurance address this?

#ftm#t4c

Anonymous 4w

I’m largely avoidant in these situations (and I’m working on it), but… it’s usually because I’m overwhelmed and need a lot more time to process than the other involved person(s). I’m also AuDHD, so I don’t know the overlap there, but… I shut down because I don’t know how to word things or approach it productively. I find that it helps to have options laid out, like “let’s talk about this this day, in a manner where we can share what is bothering us, what goals we have to move forward,” etc…

Anonymous 4w

-Going for a drive or walk to talk helps oftentimes, you don’t want to sit in awkward silence -look into how to talk through issues together, genuine look up ideas and talk about pros and cons for each of you and come up with a good middle ground -Set a time to talk, be like go process for x amount of time then we have to talk about this

Anonymous

#1 4w

my gf is super avoidant and we haven’t had an actual conversation in days, she keeps saying she needs more time but i dont know how much time is acceptable when i rather just communicate than wait days and days later, i feel like there has to be a compromise

Anonymous

OP 4w

There definitely has to be. Maybe talk about starting conversations/breaking them up or look up ways together to make talking easier. Sometimes my gf and I go for a drive because looking forward and not at each other helps, but you need to agree to not raise voices in the car or that would absolutely suck.

Anonymous

#2 4w

I’m super avoidant. I don’t mean to, it just happens where I either move on or don’t process, and it’s annoying. I’ll bottle things up for days, and think I’m processing but I’m stewing. Self awareness helps a lot with the issue, and having ways I know my s/o is able to talk. Sometimes I even tell her over text (we have talked about how beforehand) so we can talk in person if it’s hard to get out. 3+ years together going strong!

Anonymous

#2 4w

You’ve got this bro! Having 2 different attachment styles can be rough, but working through things and choosing your partner every day is worth it❤️

Anonymous

#2 4w

thank you for all the support!! i think my best bet rn is waiting for her to reach out to me so i don’t accidentally overwhelm her even if its out of care and we’ll take it from there!

Anonymous

OP 4w

Yes def best bet for now- this is all future solutions sadly until yall talk about it waiting is prolly best. I also have no idea if yall live together or how long you’ve been together. My stuff works cause I live with my gf

Anonymous

#2 4w

we go to the same school funny enough same residence hall just a couple doors down! but we basically play house whenever we’re with eachother anyways