
i get where you're coming from. but dissociating is not gonna be helpful in the long run. i hope one day you're safe enough to socially transition but just be aware that it probably won't get easier pretending to be someone you're not. you will find people who will love you regardless of your gender identity
I get nervous to talk to other trans people about this because I had one completely blow up on me for it. I kept my cool but she was calling me slurs and sending death threats because I didn’t want to lose my boyfriend, get rejected by my family, and have to deal with constant harassment
You can do it. But personally I was unable to transition for a while and it tore at me internally like nothing ever had. I truly would not recommend doing it this way honestly. Even for the sake of your relationship it probably won’t be worth it to avoid. I eventually got to the point where it felt like I was dying before I got on hrt. And I know that isn’t a universal experience but it is still a common one.
Hopefully. I also don’t want to lose my boyfriend. He’s so perfect and I love him so much but he’s straight and wouldn’t be able to love me anymore if I transitioned. He’s still happy with a lot of things, like he doesn’t use gendered petnames, likes my hair short, and just generally treats me like a guy best friend much of the time. But if I were to completely transition and be passing he wouldn’t actually love me anymore, and it’s not like I can force him to change his sexuality