Relationship Advice on Sidechat | My gf hasn’t had sex with me in weeks, and she just told me she’s been using her vibrator. She refuses to talk to me about any of this. What should I do? (She has already clarified that she doesn’t want to break up with me)

Sidechat

Download

Join communities on Sidechat Download

Relationship Advice 4w

My gf hasn’t had sex with me in weeks, and she just told me she’s been using her vibrator. She refuses to talk to me about any of this. What should I do? (She has already clarified that she doesn’t want to break up with me)

Anonymous 4w

Is she still affectionate to you? Kissing, hugging etc? Does she seem like she’s wanting to spend less time with you or has she been distant? Like is this problem just in the bedroom or is it like a whole thing. If she’s still emotionally engaged with you, the likelihood is that it’s just stress or she’s not in the right headspace. You mentioned that you’re both in college, maybe it’s just the stress of that? If she’s pulling away in all areas, perhaps that’s a bigger conversation.

Anonymous 4w

Usually if a woman isn’t wanting to have sex in a relationship, it means something is lacking in another area of the relationship and it’s killing desire for sex. I would encourage trying to have emotional intimacy, without pushing for anything physical and don’t make the conversations about sex because that makes it seem like your concern is getting laid and not if your partner and your relationship are in a good place

Anonymous 4w

Bro use it with her take it from her use it on her an tell her she’s being a good girl and play with her.

Anonymous 4w

Yeah I just tried to talk about it and she had this to say

Anonymous 4w

Not to be a cunt, but. Do you get her off? Bc a problem I’ve had in relationships is that the man is having good sex, but he’s prioritizing his pleasure, leaving the woman to feel like nothing more than a tool to get off. Hell, even in the very healthy relationships, I’ve still felt like I’m just a hot object to be thrown around. It could also be that she feels self conscious during sex and doesn’t want anyone to see her get off, or that she’s trying to see if you only love her for sex. IMO if-

Anonymous 4w

You’re going about this all wrong. Don’t do it by text. Either do it in person or on the phone. Keep the conversation playful. Then ask her something like what she thinks about when she is using it on herself. Things like that. She’ll be shy at first.

⚒️

Anonymous 4w

Have you guys been fighting because if you guys are both arguing it might overshadow the feeling of love in the moment. I suggest maybe taking like some days off like maybe she stays with her mom or something for a couple of days just to see if that feeling will come back.

Anonymous 4w

Drop it don’t text her back

-3

Anonymous 4w

Force her to talk about it if it bothers you

-4

Anonymous

#2 4w

Uhhhh idrk if she’s the type of person to go for that 😭😭

Anonymous

OP 4w

Bro toys in the bed room are great gets them more wet and horny. Use it with her. Don’t listen to the other dummies. Needs arnt being met. Then go jack off buddy. Fuck she suggested to do please you and her. It’s a mutual thing together

Anonymous 4w

I already did #3

Anonymous

OP 4w

That kinda sounds pushy buddy.

Anonymous

#2 4w

I phrased it like “what’s there to think about? That’s not like a sarcastic or passive aggressive question, I’m genuinely asking what you’re thinking about”

Anonymous

OP 4w

Nah dude you’re making things a bigger issue. Do you live with her.

Anonymous

#2 4w

No. We’re college students and our dorms are about a 30 second walk from each other so we might as well live together though.

Anonymous

OP 4w

Like we haven’t slept separate in probably 7 weeks

Anonymous

#4 4w

You’d be surprised how much good can come from trying to focus on making a woman feel emotionally safe with you. You gotta be gentle and caring and patient with her if she is worth it to you

Anonymous

#5 4w

Someone only stayed wit me when we could fuck, I’d dump them. Not saying at all that this is your fault. I do think she need to talk to you and communicate. Make sure you leave it open for honest communication, in a place where she can feel comfortable, and the ball is in her court

Anonymous

#6 4w

Yes she’s still very affectionate, she hasn’t withdrawn at all in that regard. Hell, she gives me handjobs almost daily and grinds out orgasms on my leg - she just doesn’t want to have sex.

Anonymous

#6 4w

If it continues for months, carries on avoiding the conversation and not communicating with you, maybe that’s when a sit down conversation needs to happen. Maybe the “a lot to think about” is college. Has she seemed stressed, or has she seemed detached from you? Because those are two different things and depending on the answer, a different thing to consider as whole. Stress comes and goes but is she seems detached from you, perhaps that’s a relationship thing itself and not just about sex.

Anonymous

#6 4w

She’s definitely been stressed for the past few days, but this has been going on for a matter of a few weeks. Usually we fuck like bunnies so I don’t know what’s going on. I’ve been doing a lot to help meet her needs when it comes to college and classes. I’ll bring her snacks WHENEVER she asks and help her with her studying.

Anonymous

OP 4w

She’s still affectionate. That makes it sound more like headspace than loss of feelings. Weeks isn’t fun, but it’s also not catastrophic. Don’t turn stress into a bigger problem by making sex the focus. She’s still sexually engaging with you, just not in the actual “act”. That means she still wants you. Say something like I just want to make sure you’re comfortable. If full sex isn’t something you want right now, that’s okay. I just want us to be good.”

Anonymous

OP 4w

The best thing you can do is be patient, focus on emotional closeness, and avoid making sex the main issue. If this continues for months w/ no intimacy or communication, then a longer conversation might be needed. But trust me, as a girl too, I would not want my boyfriend to keep bringing it up. But she should be more communicative to you if you’re as close as youve said.

Anonymous

#6 4w

Thank you. This advice is so much better than some of the other shit I’ve heard. I feel like right now I’ve made it seem like sex is the main issue with her, and we’re supposed to have a sit down talk today. I’m going to let her know from the beginning of that talk that this isn’t about having sex, it’s about making sure that everything is ok between us and making sure that we can both feel comfortable and cared for.

Anonymous

OP 4w

But I have been bringing it up semi-frequently so I also understand if she’s maybe a bit frustrated with how I’m handling everything - im very prone to overthinking so ill also apologize for maybe being overbearing about the whole situation

Anonymous

OP 4w

That’s good, I’m here if you need anymore help. Try to understand her point of view, but don’t let that diminish your feelings either. Both are valid, but as a couple, you should meet in the middle. I overthink a lot too so I see it from your point of view 🤣 But yeah, make sure she knows it’s not about the sex, but about your relationship as whole. Make it known to her that if she ever wants to talk about something, you want to be the person she can come to. Don’t push her into it, but

Anonymous

#6 4w

But try to see why she’s stressed and if there’s something you can do to take even a bit of that stress from her. Lmk if you need anymore advice, here to help