Anonymous #3 19h

Haha yeah sorry the limited poll options meant i couldnt include other genser identiites :(

7

Anonymous #4 18h

What do you find fun about it?

1

Anonymous #3 18h

cringe

-9

Anonymous OP 17h

All good! You’d need a lot of poll options bc I’m also interested in both😂

5

Anonymous #5 17h

Womp womp

17

Anonymous OP 17h

I’m more dominant. I like taking control. I like the power dynamic it can create.

1

Anonymous #6 16h

Being tied up?

1

Anonymous #3 16h

Yeah i think i asked this and realized how limited sidechat is... im doing an indpeendent study so im asking on a lot of forums

1

Anonymous #6 16h

tbh it does look pretty awkward lol. i wouldn't be able to take it seriously or get turned on

4

Anonymous OP 16h

That’s so cool! Yeah 5 options is definitely limited especially for this type of question

1

Anonymous OP 16h

and not to get too woke... but what does it say about one's character to get turned on by their another human being restrained and physically unable to move away? lets think about this 🤔

1

Anonymous #2 16h

It’s about the trust and intimacy

1

Anonymous #2 16h

While I totally get the woke angle I think genuine kink practicers are the wokest people I know when it comes to consent LMAO no vanilla couple is having lengthy discussions in advance about exactly what is and isnt ok and setting methods to ensure a situation is cut or continued exactly as wanted by everyone involved, safe words, limits etc. its about trust not about any inability to get out

9

Anonymous #1 16h

Exactly

1

Anonymous #1 15h

i respect those that make consent and trust the forefront of their experiences. but i'm just wondering why so often hetero kinkiness (dominant man submissive woman, type shit) is just repackaged female subjugation. like WHY so often do these (hetero bdsm) situations have these patriarchal undertones? i hope u see what i mean! im just sharing my thoughts lol, i could be totally wrong

4

Anonymous #2 15h

Ive been wondering the same thing and this poll is very much part of that question. To be honest, I am a guy who would fall under the realm of a rope dom and while I dont find any interest in sadomasochism, I cant help but question how the patriarchy makes me get aroused by tying up women. I asked the Ask Women community and received some interesting answers about the topic if you do want to check that thread

1

Anonymous #2 15h

I think the whole point of kink is the nonnormativity, zeroing in on het couples and patriarchy and societal standard to make commentary on a practice that is intentionally so broad and maleable kinda defeats the purpose even though I do understand the thought and where it comes from. I think if anything kink actually gives women more control than vanilla situations even if shes submitting because so much more goes into kink than just literally whos domming and whos not

1

Anonymous #1 15h

I also think kink gives women way more avenues to assume dominance and control in general as thats not really something you find in vanilla relationships often

1

Anonymous #1 15h

This is actually a really great way to answer my question I truly appreciate it. I think one large part of my question also stems from a guilt of me feeling like I am perpetuating the patriarchy, and I think it is hard to say that I shouldnt look at BDSM through a societal lens (as that is what my project is focused on). I dont know if you have an opinion about this?

1

Anonymous OP 15h

Oh I totally get it. I always think of it this way, the vanilla normal thing (referring specifically to monogamous het couples for this purpose) is for women to submit and it just is what it is. No discussion, no choice for her, thats just what it is. With kink the woman, even if shes a sub, is given autonomy and choices and control over what the sexual experience will be before during and after (consent discussions, through a scene, and aftercare)

3

Anonymous #1 15h

So even in those heteronormative situations a women practicing kink, sub or not, has way more autonomy and control than otherwise. Not saying vanilla sex doesnt involve personal autonomy and shit obviously but if that makes sense?

3

Anonymous #1 15h

Wait this is genuinely a great answer tysm. I think one concern I have sometimes is if my gf would be appeasing me in certain acts by either 1) not taking advantage of her autonomy to get what she wants out of a scene or 2) being permissive of things i may want more even if she doesnt necessarily want them. How would one even avoid this?

1

Anonymous OP 15h

I mean that really just goes into the discussions you're having outside of scenes. You need to trust that your partner is fully and honestly communicating and encourage that. I think it can be hard for people to grasp bc it usually seems like vulgar conversation but genuinely casually talking about kink and your interests with each other will help you know your partner well enough and communicate openly enough to avoid that

6

Anonymous OP 15h

(im replying to a comment from a while ago) yeah people often say kink is all about non-normativity, but the point im trying to make is that it often DOES reinforce heteronormative patriarchal gender roles (specifically referring to scenarios in which theres a dominant male and submissive female) and i didnt even mention porn addiction, which is the main avenue by which most people are introduced to kink in the first place

1

Anonymous #2 15h

I think we really just have to agree to disagree lol kink is all about giving and taking control in non standard ways. Yes there are het couples with dom men and sub women. Those women still have way more control over that experience than women in vanilla couples because of how much communication and shit goes into practicing. Kink also encourages situations outside of that sphere bc the whole point is that anyone can be a dom or sub regardless of anything else.

1

Anonymous #1 15h

Im speaking from a place of more than average education on the topic and totally might just be biased but I really have never seen kink as youre portraying it nor do I know anyone who practices and views it that way

6

Anonymous #1 15h

every couple should discuss consent, control, and boundaries imo. i dont think thats is, or should be exclusive to kinky couples

1

Anonymous #2 15h

No I agree! I def dont want to make it sound like Im saying vanilla people dont do that lol. Theres just a different depth to it when you move into more alternative practices and it does create different levels of it the deeper you go

5

Anonymous #1 15h

Sorry you were actually incredibly helpful tysm! I think all of your answers were really thoughtful and I'll definitely think about what you have said

1

Anonymous #1 15h

ive unfortunately had a lot of unpleasant experiences with this myself. kink can be an awesome thing, but i think in order to be the best versions of ourselves, its important to reflect and ask ourselves if we're unknowingly reenforcing unhealthy beliefs we've been taught. thank you guys for talking with me!

2

Anonymous #2 15h

Thank you for the convo too!! 🫶🫶

1

Anonymous #2 10h

you can have sweet loving sex while having someone be tied up. actually that’s the main appeal for me is the absolute trust in my partner to take care of me while i’m in a vulnerable state

1