
will it get better? will it get worse? things keep pulling at the seams. friends are suffering too, people, innocents, civilizations that i want to reach out towards but i cant because im having trouble just managing my own damn self. i suck at this. this hurts. i dont even know how to make my own decisions now cause everything feels so out of place and complicated and i have to do it alone i need to manage myself, i cant feign ignorance or cry for help. i need to be an adult.
so i cant afford to sit here and cry or make a fuss. im simply not in the position to, i cant afford it, no one will hear me. and the ones that can cant do anything or simply dont know what to do about it. my tears don’t matter. but maybe something will change, something please… i need something to change so i can continue to exist, before i cease and rot into a shell of myself. though sometimes i wish my soul would rot already so maybe the underlying buzz of pain would stop.