
Yeah heavily relate to this, I fucked myself up pretty bad over it too growing up thinking I had to just get over it and get with the program, push through, be “strong” about it the minute I realized it, but now I just feel like I don’t know who I am, what could’ve been, what I lost, etc. Lot of regret but one solace is that I was just too young with too much pressure at home, “set up to fail” in a way that kinda flies under the radar and makes me feel guilty thinking it even exists
(Which has been a trip up as well). Where it’s ended up? Figuring out how to realize “it’s just not that big a deal.” “What I care about matters more.” Because before you realize it, you might finally think you’re “safe” or “prepared” or can anticipate anything, and then realize you have no idea who you are or if there’s anything good about yourself.
Those people who seem so confident and love telling you you’re wrong? They’re stupid. Just stupid. No one has it figured out, and they’ve just gotten caught up in it. Don’t let it and the jokes and the “clever shits” get to you any longer. It costs your health and intelligence. Not knowing is knowledge.