
I agree in that I think thereās a lot of nuance here. Iāve honestly found that how conventionally āattractiveā you are impacts treatment an awful lot. Like a crazy amount. Although I donāt feel pretty, Iāve been described as technically being āattractiveā and have seen how poorly those that donāt fit that precise mold get treated. :( Iāve leaned heavily into getting dolled up every single time I go out. Partly because I love it! But also because of this phenomenon.
Aw, thank you for your well wishes. ā¤ļø I will say though, it has always seemed frustrated me when folks assume that I or anyone else care about appearances for āvalidation from menā, with the implication of wanting romantic validation. Not that itās a bad thing to want! Itās just that Iām a lesbian, so it especially doesnāt factor in for me. š People just genuinely day to day seem to be more willing to see the humanity (be kind to, interact with, etc) folks that are conventionally attractive.
Also, Iām a boring lady that doesnāt drink. XD And as for dates (back when I was single) who pays was *generally* assumed to be the person that asked the other out. But Iām also a fem that has always dated more ābutchā types, so they offer to pay more often. But yes, lesbians can and do can definitely feel pressure to appeal to men, but more in a ābecause they want to be treated like humansā kind of way. š