Neurodivergent on Sidechat | My parents had a take on this when I was growing up that I’ve grown to respect. I’d like to get yalls thoughts: They didn’t ever get me or my siblings tested for anything (autism, adhd, etc) bc they believed growing up with labels would be damaging

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Neurodivergent 4w

My parents had a take on this when I was growing up that I’ve grown to respect. I’d like to get yalls thoughts: They didn’t ever get me or my siblings tested for anything (autism, adhd, etc) bc they believed growing up with labels would be damaging

Anonymous 4w

Agree with number 2. My parents actually did get me tested for autism but hid it from me for the same reason your parents didn’t test you. I get where they were coming from but there were so many opportunities where telling me I was diagnosed with autism would have been beneficial. For example in early elementary school when I begged to be held back because I felt “behind” but the school refused because I was good at academics. Or in late elementary and middle school when people stopped 1/2

Anonymous 4w

i mean unless you see the label as inherently a bad thing i don’t see how it’s damaging at all

Anonymous 4w

my parents djdnt me tested for anything growing up bc no one caught my ADHD since it presented as absent-mindedness & carelessness but my parents also come from a culture where these things aren’t really talked about or heard of that much so they just assumed i was lazy.

Anonymous 4w

Ofc this was only for marginal cases. For example if I were really lagging behind other ppl my age, they would’ve tested me and gotten me help (I hope this makes sense)

Anonymous 4w

For me, I was too high functioning to ever be considered for ASD but I had many problems interacting with peers, making and keeping friends, often was ostracized and bullied by those friends until they stopped and we were friends again. I struggled with food and struggled with anxiety. Man, I NEEDED an inkling of understanding of WHY my behavior was what it was instead of just assuming what everyone was saying was correct; i was annoying, dramatic, too sensitive, extremely smart, and friendless

Anonymous 4w

i was dxed as a kid (i was in there for anxiety stuff but my psych thought it was also autism) but not told about it until i was in sixth grade when my friend told me that her mom thinks im autistic, so i told my mom and i was like haha that’s so crazy that she would think that, and my mom was like …do u think you have autism…? and i had wondered about it before but i didn’t really agree with the dx until high school and then i was like fine maybe there’s a little bit there

Anonymous

#1 4w

That’s true! The point was to raise me telling me I could be/do anything without giving me a reason to think I couldn’t compete with “normal” kids and honestly I respect them for that

Anonymous

#2 4w

That’s a reasonable take. Thanks for sharing

Anonymous

#3 4w

being friends with me because I was embarrassing or “not cool” (I literally had a friend tell me this was the reason). Knowing why you feel behind, different, and left out can be beneficial. There are definitely positives to doing what our parents did, but if the struggles and differences are causing distress I think you need to just tell you kid or let them get tested

Anonymous

#3 4w

Yeah that’s fair. I mean I struggled with making friends bc I was weird until like junior year. I think it’s normal to not fit in in elementary and middle school. And yeah there’s definitely a point where the problem becomes too much of an issue to ignore anymore. Ig it goes both ways. Thanks!

Anonymous

#4 4w

Okay and since then did u learn to deal with it or did u hop on medication when you found out??

Anonymous

OP 4w

i researched some coping skills specific to adhd & hopped on medication to help manage the symptoms.

Anonymous

#4 4w

Cool thanks for sharing! Just wondering the long term impacts of trying to cope with an unknown condition yk? Super interesting stuff

Anonymous

OP 4w

Yah and when something got bad enough my parents did get me treatment for it. I had multiple rounds of speech therapy when I was little and when I was older I once got sent to a week long social skills camp. They just did it without telling me I had autism, which again has both pros and cons

Anonymous

OP 4w

For me, it wasn’t that I didn’t think I could compete so much as I…straight up just can’t, I’m not super high functioning. But I was diagnosed late for other reasons, so going so long without the label was just like. I’m supposed to be “normal”, but I’m consistently failing at that and internalizing that it’s just me who’s a failure and not that there’s any reason aside from somehow I just don’t want to be good enough. And now I’m difficult for therapists to treat 😀

Anonymous

#5 4w

And also not having the label meant I had no support in school up until my sixth year of college after almost failing out, once I finally got the papers in order for accommodations. I was “gifted” in elementary and into highschool but I still had other social issues that made school difficult in other ways and I’d get in trouble for being good at some things but not knowing which rules were allowed to bend and why I’d get in trouble when others didn’t.

Anonymous

#6 4w

the only autistic people i had been exposed to at the time was my cousin (older than me and i rarely saw him) and this one kid who pushed my brother down the stairs and had no friends so that’s probably part of why i rejected it but maybe that would have been different if i had known from the start? like if i had a better understanding of the spectrum? or it might have made me feel like crap because i didn’t know any autistic people that i liked hanging out with, i can’t tell

Anonymous

#6 4w

honestly tho accepting the diagnosis didn’t do anything for me either like this diagnosis has not helped me that much, and i kind of wish i wasn’t formally diagnosed and was just told “it might be autism but maybe not” and just left as that idk, it’s nice to know that there’s a reason i’m the way i am but that’s kind of it