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Neurodivergent icon
Neurodivergent 2w
real talk how are you supposed to realize that someone isn’t actually giving consent if they give verbal consent but their body language and other cues are off like i’ve never been able to read that stuff
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17
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Anonymous 2w

Reading body language didn’t come naturally to me. But you can def study it. A closed off body doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a no, it might just be shyness. But if you’re reading multiple signals saying no, that’s probably a no. Either way, when in doubt, it’s always better to ASK. Also, there’s no rush. But ofc always cultivate a space where people can feel free to communicate. As for mixing these signals with alcohol or substances? Lots of things can go wrong there haha.

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Anonymous 2w

and then when you ask them if everything’s okay later and they say yes? but they secretly mean no? i just don’t think i should kiss anyone when im under the influence anymore

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Anonymous 2w

In this situation if you feel unsure and it’s affecting the way you might enjoy things constantly doubting it, we can’t be mindful readers, but *you* can revoke consent in that situation, or find a dif way to check in? Like, “hey you don’t seem into this, I’m not comfortable proceeding, let’s just hang out for now” or something?

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Anonymous 2w

Anything other than an ENTHUSIASTIC yes is a no.

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Anonymous replying to -> #1 2w

i can’t tell when people are enthusiastic or not though 😭 i’m so bad at reading emotions

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Anonymous replying to -> OP 2w

It also doesn’t necessarily work that way for autistic people if they’re more monotone. How can we experience intimacy if people don’t believe we want something unless we act “enthusiastic” about it.

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Anonymous replying to -> #4 2w

^I LOVE THIS SO MUCHHHH

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Anonymous replying to -> #3 2w

yes this exactly i’ve had ppl get worried and not kiss me bc they didn’t think i was enthusiastic enough when i was rlly just tipsy and autistic 😭

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Anonymous replying to -> #4 2w

Also substance use is often a really fun part of intimacy so what I usually do is wait until we’re sober, ask them, and then it’s less of a risk for both of you because sober you expressed their feelings before inebriated you took over. And of course if they seem too inebriated to make any choices just back off.

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Anonymous replying to -> OP 2w

That’s why the person’s comment about asking is sooo good. I hooked up with another autistic person recently and they were moving away from me and hiding their face a lot. So I straight up said “you’re moving away a lot, which makes me think you don’t really want to be touched. Is that true?” which gave them the chance to say “No I really want you to touch me you’re just hot and I’m nervous.” and then we were in the clear!

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Anonymous replying to -> #3 2w

Couldn’t agree more. Substances can spice things up. Alcohol will lower inhibitions ideally on both parties and let both peoples primal nature take over. And that’s beautiful. Weed makes things feel great. Acid will make your souls melt together. But I agree with your take completely of it’s better to take a step back if there is any doubt. Stay safe people!

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Anonymous replying to -> #3 2w

i just had an issue where i kept asking someone abt their body language (just making out at parties nothing insane) bc they were saying yes but not always super clear body language, but they said over and over that everything was fine 😭 only to find out 2 years later that they were actually uncomfortable

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Anonymous replying to -> #4 2w

yeahh i just think freshman me should not have taken drunk people at their word 😭 learned my lesson but i just feel so bad now even though we were both the same level of drunk

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Anonymous replying to -> OP 2w

Im gonna be SO real dude that is fully on them. It’s healthy and good to feel like “damn I hate that I made them uncomfortable!” but it’s not your fault at all. I used to do this as well because I had terrible emotional awareness and boundary issues. It’s self-sabotaging and using someone else to do it, which is cruel.

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Anonymous replying to -> OP 2w

Actually lemme add on, did you ever ask while they were sober?

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Anonymous replying to -> #3 2w

i don’t know if i ever specifically asked to kiss them, but we definitely brought it up in conversation since it was kinda a jokey thing, definitely not the greatest in retrospect but in the moment as well as sober it was just kinda like “oh haha whenever we get drunk we make out with each other and all our friends lol”

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Anonymous replying to -> #3 2w

im pretty sure i did ask if i was making them uncomfortable while sober though, and they said everything was fine

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Anonymous replying to -> #5 2w

yeah it was a while ago but i should have done that

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Anonymous replying to -> OP 2w

Okay then I stick by my original statement you did nothing wrong

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