Neurodivergent on Sidechat | I texted some of my friends “if I bake something, will you have a piece whenever I see you next” and one of them responded “sure”. irks me bc I’m offering to make you something at no cost to you because you’re my friend and you can’t even feign excitement

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Neurodivergent 1d

I texted some of my friends “if I bake something, will you have a piece whenever I see you next” and one of them responded “sure”. irks me bc I’m offering to make you something at no cost to you because you’re my friend and you can’t even feign excitement

Anonymous 1d

that text to me implies that you’re already baking something and that bringing a piece of it wouldn’t be an inconvenience to you … in that case, i don’t see what’s wrong with saying sure?

Anonymous 1d

If it’s supposed to be a gift, you should tell them that it’s a gift. Your message is asking them to try something you happened to bake, not telling them that you’re baking them something as a gift. If you want them to understand, it could reduce confusion to make sure they understand you are making this *for them*, as a gift. Especially if they are autistic. I would have absolutely no idea you’re offering me a gift. I would think you are requesting of favor of me, to try something you baked

Anonymous 1d

dont sweat it not everyone is that enthusiastic im sure they appreciate u in their own way

Anonymous 1d

to be i see it as a request being like if i bake something will u try it. if u want excitement u say “i baked you something”

Anonymous 1d

See this is why I hate texting

Anonymous 1d

See I’m the type to get upset about someone doing this to me then react the exact same way, not bc I’m not excited but bc I just don’t have big energy, I have to remind myself other people rely on me emoting to see how I’m feeling. I could be having the best time of my life and just stand there with my normal resting face.

Anonymous 1d

Bro what I would be so excited

Anonymous 1d

L friend. What an awful reaction. I’d be so happy!!!

Anonymous 1d

what 😭 you want them to “feign excitement” over text? it’s literally a text answering the question you asked perfectly succinctly

Anonymous

#1 1d

Idk why people think this is okay. It’s so selfish

Anonymous

#4 1d

I don’t see what’s wrong with it either. That would be my response. If someone asks me if I’ll try something they baked, I’d say “sure” or “okay” to let them know that I am okay with trying something they want me to try

Anonymous

#5 1d

*a favor

Anonymous

#6 1d

“I’d love that!! Thank you!” Perfect and succinct and with excitement. Crazy right?

Anonymous

#1 1d

it’s almost like they don’t owe you anything! they could’ve been busy and saw the text but wanted to respond as soon as possible, or they could’ve been going through something and didn’t have the energy levels to reply with such enthusiasm etc etc…. it’s so rude to expect a certain amount of enthusiasm and then be mad when your friends don’t/can’t reach it without knowing about this bar you’ve set for them to reach in the first place.

Anonymous

#1 1d

Why would I answer “I’d love that” or “thank you” to someone requesting that I try something for them? I’d say “sure” to let them know that I’d be willing to help out and try something they baked. If the op said “Would you like to try something I baked *for you*?” or “I baked you something!” I’d respond with enthusiasm, because I’m receiving a gift.

Anonymous

#5 20h

Then why not at the very least change it to “Sure!” There are so many ways to show appreciation and leaving a bland “sure” is not one of them. It gets the same point across and you only need to type one extra thing

-1

Anonymous

#1 20h

Because that would be lying? I’m not thrilled 🌈✨💖 to be trying something for someone, I’m just agreeing to do it. I’m not going to force toxic positivity that I don’t feel. I’d rather be myself with my friends, than give a fake cheery response every time they ask me for help with something.

Anonymous

#5 20h

I’d want my friends to express themselves with me too. I don’t want people to fake happiness and positivity just to make me happy. I’d rather they just respond the way they naturally do

Anonymous

#6 19h

“They don’t owe you anything” is a counterproductive (or even cruel) mindset to hold about one’s own friends. I hope you can change your mind both regarding how you help others and what help you can reasonably expect from those who are close to you.

-1

Anonymous

#10 12h

you think it’s cruel that I don’t expect my friends to constantly be trying to reach a bar that im setting for them which they don’t know about? and vice versa, I will not be exerting myself to try to reach an imaginary bar that my friends have put for me if I can’t and I expect them to understand? that’s cruel?

Anonymous

#6 11h

Well, no… That’s not it at all. There are lots of misunderstandings here, I’ll try to be more specific. I am more talking about the idea that there’s no inherent duty or obligation to friendship, none at all. Firstly, I said nothing about the standards being imaginary or hidden. Nor did I say they were particularly hard to reach. (1/2)

Anonymous

#10 11h

I’m more pushing back against the idea that friendship requires no loyalty, no discomfort, no sacrifice. You do owe your friends a mutual level of kindness and understanding, just like they owe you. It doesn’t have to be total self-sacrificial altruism. For example, you could “owe” your friend time spent together if you know they need company. Not jumping to the worst conclusions about them. Hearing a boring story. And vice versa. (2/2)

Anonymous

#6 11h

I understand that you’re upset (bewildered?) but I’m not accusing you of anything. You’re safe. I’m just saying that “you don’t owe anyone anything,” point blank, is a message adjacent to individualistic. Community and connection necessitates give and take. Trying to avoid it can only mean avoiding relationships all together. That’s all I’m saying. Please, take care of yourself.

Anonymous

#5 6h

Wow God forbid someone do something nice for you. If I knew you irl I would never bake for you. I’d probably hate you actually

Anonymous

#1 6h

Woah, that’s a bit harsh.

Anonymous

#1 4h

Thank you for being honest with me about how you’re feeling instead of pretending to be nice to me. That’s all I really ask for