Anonymous #1 1w

it's a small school & the dept chair loves him bc he brings in grant money also i'm no longer a student and he's tenured

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Anonymous OP 1w

Your report may not get him fired, but it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t report it or that he’ll be without consequences. Report to the Dean or higher. Include multiple people, and someone that you trust to personally advocate for you. Finally, if you have made a clear declaration that you want him to cease contact, then report it to your local police as harassment.

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Anonymous notyourprofsprof 1w

the thing is though, today i learned he's talking shit (said my response was "rude" to someone he knows is my friend) so who knows what he's saying to other faculty (involved in the research that led to the conflict) i don't think i can rely on anyone from that school and bc i spent all my time working for him, i have nobody else

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Anonymous notyourprofsprof 1w

but thank you. i appreciate it, it's just such an awful gordian knot of a situation

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Anonymous notyourprofsprof 1w

he also confirmed to my friend he withdrew the paper i coauthored bc he was pissed. so there's that

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Anonymous OP 1w

You are describing, play for play, narcissistic abuse. My narcissistic abusers also played the social field against me. They will fabricate every lie imaginable against you. Anything to protect their fragile ego.

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Anonymous notyourprofsprof 1w

i'm sorry you experienced something similar. most of his former students don't have problems w him (although some current students do...) so it's very possible i am the problem. i am mentally ill, and i also kinda let him isolate me / use my work ethic bc i like praise and i thought it would pay off in proportionate publications. alas

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Anonymous OP 1w

I sat with that feel for over eight years. Please don’t do that to yourself. Plausible deniability is a strategy. It’s how the covert/nice/vulnerable narcissists stay hidden. They know your triggers and insecurities and they will weaponize them against you. They have a need for extreme control, which is why they isolate people and carefully orchestrate social environments. The promises and support are always in the vein of their greatness helping you. It’s always contingent on their ego.

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Anonymous notyourprofsprof 1w

thank you. however, if undeniable and deniable behavior alike are interpreted as abuse, abuse becomes unfalsifiable. rhetorically that is challenging.

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Anonymous OP 1w

It becomes undeniable when recognized as a consistent pattern over time. Also, you have the unhinged emails. I’d bet he isn’t sharing narratives that make his more triggered reactions to you seem acceptable.

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Anonymous OP 1w

But also, my wish to have better called out the people who have done this to me is being projected at you. You need to do what is right for you, and only you can decide what choices are right.

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