Bro it sounds like your mind is trying to protect itself by blocking that out. I’d go talk to a therapist or something

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I believe you. I agree with the others, talk to someone. But if you really don’t want to yet, try remembering what you can. Where you were. What you felt. What you smelled. Reliving the horrible memory sucks but the best way to move forward is to move through it. Not avoid it

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I was in a similar situation when I was younger. I don’t remember much, but there isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t feel like I fabricated it in my brain. Find you a good therapist. I have one online that I can text and whatnot, it’s super helpful

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