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LGBTQIA+ 1d
I’ve lived my whole life with very heteronormative views of relationships and have only ever been monogamous. For reasons i don’t have space to say, me and my partner have opened up our relationship. I’m feeling really conflicted and weird about it
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Anonymous 1d

Have u told them your hesitations?

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Anonymous 1d

If it’s because your partner pressured you into it, that’s really shitty of them. I do believe that cultural monogamy can be toxic at times, but you have the right to feel secure and comfortable in your relationship, and it’s ok if monogamy is the best way for you to feel that way

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Anonymous replying to -> #2 1d

No. So basically what happened is before me they had only been in polyamory’s/open relationship. We’ve been together for almost two years now and it’s really starting to eat on their mental health. They spent their whole life unlearning religion and heteronoarmatiy and stuff like that. They’ve really been trying here for monogamy to work. But, now they are starting to feel a lot of self hatred for just having normal thoughts (I.e that persons hot), I told them because they have been trying

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Anonymous replying to -> OP 1d

That I would be willing to try opening up, to see if maybe that could help them be mentally in an okay place until their insurance kicks in in January for them to start going to a therapist to discuss the feelings they’re having related to monogamy

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Anonymous replying to -> OP 1d

Every single day since we’ve opened it they keep reminding me we don’t have to do it, the balls in my court, and all of that. It still makes me feel weird and kind of grossed out being open, but I love them so much and just want them to be okay

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Anonymous replying to -> OP 1d

That’s a rough situation. It sucks that you both feel that way, I hope you work things out such that you can both be happy and comfortable

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Anonymous replying to -> OP 1d

I was always open until my last relationship. I had a very religious upbringing and went through the unlearning process. I have never needed to by open for my mental health but my ex used it as an excuse to cheat. They were just looking for external validation because they couldn’t self regulate. It sounds like this is uncomfortable for you and not what you want for the relationship. They got into it knowing you’re monogamous. This feels manipulative and deeply unhealthy on their part.

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Anonymous replying to -> OP 22h

That’s a pretty odd solution imo, you can reassure them that you don’t mind them thinking about others without completely opening the relationship. If you’re not comfortable with them doing things with someone else, make that clear. Their guilt is not a reason to just remove that boundary, though of course you should help them work through it and hopefully grow closer in the process

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