I think the main issue is how much space you take up

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Anonymous #2 15h

I only do it when the seats adjacent to me are empty, and I immediately close in when the doors open in case someone wants to take those seats. If no one does then I spread again

-8

bro really said “um obviously I ‘thrive off the dirty looks I get from women’ in a liberatory #healthymasculinity way, no misogyny here. anyone who takes issue with that is just a degenerate obsessing over my genitals”

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Anonymous OP 15h

ethical manspreading 😭

35

Manspreading isn’t bad because it’s sexual (it typically isn’t, unless the person doing it is making it sexual intentionally) it’s bad because it’s rude and entitled. It’s very good that you try not to inconvenience others (usually inconveniencing ppl is the main hallmark of manspreading on public transport or airplanes) but your post sounds like you enjoy when women specifically are uncomfortable about it and that is still weird. Why is being “masculine” more important than being considerate?

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Anonymous #8 10h

hey, did you know that criticizing toxic masculinity is actually more effective when you Don’t also perpetuate toxic masculinity yourself in the process?

11

Anonymous #3 10h

Idk how I’m perpetuating it. Actual masculinity involves being confident in yourself and manhood enough not to have to prove it to everybody. I could have sat and thought about how to perfectly criticize this man but tbh- I’m tired of seeing women be harmed and feeling like I have to dance around and figure out the exact right thing to say just to be able to call out misogyny. No. I think this behavior is unmasculine AF and sexist. Period.

4

Anonymous #3 10h

And I won’t excuse a man from his misogyny bc he is gay. Gay men are plenty masculine. This man is.. blaming and punishing women for the effects of patriarchy on him. That is not masculine. That is pathetic. I care more about women and their comfort than always thinking about men first. ✌️

6

Anonymous #8 9h

you’re perpetuating it by using “the bullies were right, you’re not masculine enough” as an insult, obviously. doing that needlessly reinforces the idea that men are *supposed to* be masculine. not difficult to comprehend

12

Anonymous #8 9h

no one told you to excuse misogyny, what are you on about 😭 the point is that it’s possible to react to harmful bullshit in a mature way that doesn’t go against your own principles, give it a try some time

8

Anonymous #3 9h

Well, maybe I reacted in a way that wasn’t totally healthy. Seeing him hurt women made me want to go low I suppose. Say something as stupid as his behavior is. Lol. I don’t like seeing someone get joy from making women uncomfortable, so I aimed to make him uncomfortable. Genuine reaction to this post. Idk if what I said is really that terrible so I’m gonna leave it but I will consider your input

5

Anonymous #8 9h

thanks for acknowledging that, at least. nothing wrong with just wanting to dunk on him, ofc it’s legitimately disgusting for someone to feel validated by making women uncomfortable but like, it’s not a bad thing for a man to not be masculine—not asking you to center men, let’s just not act as if comparative femininity is an insult, yknow what I mean

6

Anonymous #3 8h

Well thank you for being mature and kind. Kind of helped me calm down and want to consider what I said. Tbh, I think feminist and masculinity are both fascinating and great (when healthy) no matter the gender. I feel disconnected from the stereotypical things society associates with masc & fem, and have kind of developed my own conceptions of them over time. So when I speak of these things, it may mean something different to me than it does to others. Will think on it

5

Anonymous #8 8h

*femininity. Also for example, I do not consider femininity as insulting but the opposite. I didn’t think I came off as degrading femininity but it appears I may have? Got me questioning. Anyway like I said I still dk if I think what I said is actually wrong but I wanted to tell u (if ur still reading my ramble) that your kindness and concern does make me want to think abt it. So whatever the case- thx 4 understanding where I was coming from

1