LGBTQIA+ on Sidechat | Every time someone makes a sweeping statement about bisexuals my gut instinct is to question them bc of how much biphobia exists in this community. Too many people view them as “straight enough” to make fun of, when they’re also queer. (Signed, a gay man)

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LGBTQIA+ 4d

Every time someone makes a sweeping statement about bisexuals my gut instinct is to question them bc of how much biphobia exists in this community. Too many people view them as “straight enough” to make fun of, when they’re also queer. (Signed, a gay man)

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Anonymous 4d

Downvote me kill me if I’m wrong. But my friend is bisexual and in a relationship with a straight cis male she’s still very much bisexual but her relationship is straight yeah? I saw someone in the same situation getting upset because she said she’s in a queer relationship but idk I don’t see it that way.

Anonymous

#1 4d

this is a hotly-debated subject even amongst proud bisexuals tbh I would bristle at a relationship of mine being described this way, just because there’s nothing straight about me and thus it feels weird to label my relationships as such rather than calling them, idk, a different-gender relationship. but that’s personal preference, I def don’t think it’s innately biphobic to use that wording

Anonymous

#1 4d

what is queer about a woman dating a man

Anonymous

#3 4d

I could maybe see if both partners are queer and their relationship dynamic is unorthodox. Like a masc queer woman and a fem queer guy could potentially be a queer relationship

Anonymous

#4 4d

that’s really up for them to decide, it’s not anyone else’s business

Anonymous

#4 4d

agreed that it’s especially not “a straight relationship” if both partners are queer, but back up—since when does the queerness of a relationship hinge on the participants’ gender expression? being gnc doesn’t actually make a bisexual person any more or less tangibly queer

Anonymous

#2 4d

That was just an example. I fully believe that a straight presenting couple can still be queer. I was just afraid people would disagree with me about it lol

Anonymous

#1 4d

personally i would find it off putting for any relationship of mine (as a bi woman) to be described as straight, like yes if i were to date a man it would appear “straight” but as i am not straight myself i find the label uncomfortable

Anonymous

#1 4d

As a bi woman dating a man, I believe our relationship is queer because I am queer. There are still different “dynamics” because I am a queer person, not a straight person. I still had to come out to my family, etc. However, I do say that I’m in a “straight presenting relationship” meaning that when we walk down the street, people assume we are straight and we receive whatever privileges come with that.

Anonymous

#1 3d

As a lesbian I think it’s odd for a bi person who is dating a cis straight person to label their relationship as queer when it is hetero and would not experience any ridicule that queer relationships face. To be able to be in a straight appearing relationship is a privilege and I think a lot of bisexual people forget that.

Anonymous

#8 3d

since you’re not bi yourself, I don’t expect you to intuitively understand. but as more than one of us have already said, some of us feel it’s inappropriate & inaccurate for someone else to describe a relationship we are in as “hetero”, due to the fact that “heterosexual” is an orientation which does not apply to both parties involved. similarly, when I’m dating a woman, I don’t refer to that as “a lesbian relationship” because I’m not lesbian

Anonymous

#8 3d

it’s ultimately a subjective thing, but that just means it’s an issue of individual perspective amongst the bi people the question is relevant to, not that people who aren’t bi have any say in determining the perimeters of how we should / shouldn’t describe our own relationships

Anonymous

#8 3d

I agree that it is a privilege. Bisexuals are not denying that you receive privilege when you date someone of the opposite gender compared to the same. But it doesn’t make it a “straight relationship” because that is an incorrect label to describe the bisexual person who is NOT straight.

Anonymous

#8 3d

Would you call a passing trans person cis just because they “look cis”?

Anonymous

#7 3d

I have had bi women in the past tell me that them dating a cis man is more queer and that they have less privilege than me a lesbian. So some bisexuals definitely do deny that privilege

Anonymous

#10 3d

I’m sure that some do. But it’s not fair to insinuate that that is a trait that most or all bisexuals have.

Anonymous

#2 3d

Anyone can label their relationships however they want, I’m not denying that, but my point and opinion still stands. If a bisexual person is in a cis straight APPEARING relationship typical of what society deems “normal” and not queer, you can’t deny that they experience privileges that VISIBLY queer relationships do not at all benefit from.

Anonymous

#8 3d

notice that no one in this thread is trying to shoot down the notion that being perceived by strangers as a straight person comes with certain societal privileges this is a reply thread about what language is used to label relationships. the conversation is strictly a response to the question “[my bisexual friend who’s dating a man] is in a straight relationship, right?”

Anonymous

#8 3d

no one is denying the existence of those privileges, so I’m not sure why you’re replying as if I had done so. suffice it to say that if you more or less believe anyone can label their relationships however they want, then you and I are on the same page, and there’s nothing to debate here

Anonymous

#7 3d

Your statement made it seem like you were saying all bisexuals and I was giving my personal experience. I do not think it is all and that’s why I used the word some. I have met a handful in real life sadly so I am just stating my experience that it is not a characteristic held by all bisexuals

Anonymous

#10 3d

tbf that’s likely a loud minority

Anonymous

#5 2d

This is the way