Anonymous #3 4d

Like, if you didn’t communicate ahead of time that you would like to set restrictions on the OR then you’re at fault. You should now communicate with your partner and they can decide if they want to accept or reject your restrictions and the relationship. If you already communicated and they agreed to accept, then it’s totally them in the wrong and you should very seriously reconsider the relationship.

7

Anonymous #3 4d

Ok so just because open relationships are not monogamous doesn’t mean it’s a free for all anything goes it is pretty standard that roommates, close friends (context dependent) and family members are a no go and it’s even a bigger standard that you don’t hit or try to get with people your partner lives with because that’s FUCKED it’s so fucked that there’s a prolapse rectum it’s almost so fucked that there’s a smaller fuck getting fucked by how fucked it is

5

Anonymous #4 4d

That’s just never been my experience except for the family part…. Maybe I’ve been getting walked on 🤕

8

Anonymous #3 4d

Ok so like in open relationships you still respect each other and it’s like the unspoken trust that if you and I are in an open relationship you are not going to try to fuck my cousin, dad, coworker, or roommate. At least not without running it past me and seeing how I feel about that because your decision and actions would reflect on me and you. I have my own personal relationship with all of these people and that kinda cock blocks you unless you get my stamp of approval

2

Anonymous #3 4d

Now ofc some open relationships are still very much toxic and one or more parties may do things without any consideration of how that affects the other and i personally would call that unethical because it doesn’t have really any ethics it’s a free for all

3

Anonymous #4 4d

Girl I’m gonna have to call my therapist 😭

1

Anonymous #3 4d

you can’t exactly assume it’s “everything goes” without that having been discussed, either. note that OP said it was an “open relationship”, not generalized polyamory or relationship anarchy—if there’s a central relationship to preserve as a foundation, the expectation is that the two of you have to do a Lot of checking in with each other every step of the way.

1

Anonymous #1 4d

Shiiit I think that’s just a threesome I feel like orgies gotta have at least 4 ppl, 5 if we’re being real

14

Anonymous #2 4d

it was very much a boundaries type of thing. i’m asexual so it was mostly so my non asexual partner wouldn’t feel reliant on me for sexual urges and that was well known. my roommate also made it it known they were uncomfy with the situation and that they weren’t cool with being hit on bc of how close we are

3

Anonymous OP 4d

yeahhh the more details you fill in the more egregious this sounds on your partner’s end, wtf. if I were in your position I’d probably have a hard time trusting their boundaries and judgment when it comes to hooking up with other people

1

Anonymous OP 4d

and I def understand that sometimes preserving a relationship means compromising and stepping outside your comfort zone, but I really hope you haven’t been, like, pressured into opening the relationship against your will just bc you’re ace and they’re not

1

Anonymous #2 4d

no absolutley not or was my choice to open the relationship. but this plus mental health stuff makes me worry about how my partner sees it yk? just the consistent disregard of my and others boundaries, went a bit too far. dm if you want more details :) i appreciate it

5

Anonymous #3 4d

this is fair, bit with the boundaries i had set up with my partner and with how close my roommate and i are this shouldn’t have happened :/

2

Anonymous OP 4d

Friend if your partner pressured you into an open relationship, they don’t really care about your boundaries in the first place :( it’s never a good idea to open a relationship without enthusiastic consent from everyone involved

1