Anonymous #1 7w

it’s not 😭 this is actually in response to a comment I saw that said bi/pan women who only pursue women bc of political reasons can identify as lesbian :/

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Anonymous #1 7w

sorry “can” is probably the wrong phrasing. They CAN identify as lesbian, but I think it’s problematic if they do.

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Anonymous OP 7w

I’m not woke enough for this shit bro

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Anonymous #3 7w

what?? words have meaning, that includes individual sexualities. Other identities exist that describe different forms of attraction, lesbians don’t have to make room for other people to fit in when those identities already exist…

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Anonymous #3 7w

lesbianism is a spectrum is the sense that different lesbians have different relationships with gender constructs, and experience different levels and types of attraction to non-men. The ONLY “rule” in the label is the non-attraction to men, but it’s still a spectrum.

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Anonymous OP 7w

I’m not a lesbian so I can’t speak for lesbians, but I’m gay and have dated a girl and once in a while am attracted to women or trans people, but it’s much easier to just say I’m gay because that’s how I feel most of the time. I see how claiming to be lesbian and when you’re actually straight can be a thing but some people don’t fit the perfect 50/50 of the bisexual label.

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Anonymous OP 7w

What if someone who identifies as lesbian wants to date a gender fluid person?

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When did I say bisexuality wasn’t a spectrum? I said for SOME people it isn’t a perfect 50/50 (aka a spectrum)

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Anonymous #3 7w

Gender fluid people aren’t men. They are gender fluid, they are non-men the same way they are non-women.

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Anonymous #3 7w

no, you said the bisexual label is 50/50.

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Anonymous #3 7w

“some people don’t fit the perfect 50/50 bisexual label”

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Anonymous OP 7w

Girl that’s not what that means omg

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Anonymous OP 7w

I chose not to label myself as bisexual because people assume I’m 50/50 is what I mean

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Anonymous #2 7w

then explain…

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Anonymous OP 7w

I literally agree with your post and your point but you are willfully misunderstanding this specific point

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Anonymous #3 7w

Okay. Sorry, I misunderstood but I get what you meant now. And that’s okay, but I think we’re forgetting what I said about there being a harmful stereotype that all lesbians secretly like men. It’s not really as big of a thing for gay men, and so I think it’s harmful to identity as a lesbian when you’re not, whereas it’s not harmful to gay male community in the same way. Or at least I don’t think it is. You can confirm or deny.

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Anonymous OP 7w

Sometimes they are men. That’s part of the point

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Anonymous #1 7w

sometimes, yes. I wasn’t denying that. But I was meaning ‘man’ as in someone who is always a man. Besides, let’s say gender fluid people are the one exception to the ‘non-men’ rule of lesbianism, does that really change anything about what I’ve said?

1

Anonymous #4 7w

I agree. That’s basically what I meant when I said lesbian works “in a pinch”. It works as a way to get across what you’re interested in during a conversation. But you shouldn’t identify with it 24/7 if you know it doesn’t actually suit you (aka you express attraction for men).

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Anonymous OP 7w

I get what you’re saying but I think I’m trying to take it further. Why doesn’t it suit you 24/7? It’s the life you’re living 24/7. You relate to the same things lesbians go through. Labels should work for you, not limit you.

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Anonymous #4 7w

because lesbians don’t experience attraction to men. Who you feel attraction towards comes up way more often than you think it does, it’s not just about who you pursue. There’s an entire culture around talking about people you find attractive. And many queer women relate to lesbian experiences, you don’t have to be a lesbian to relate to other lesbians.

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Anonymous #4 7w

on a completely unrelated note, idk if this is the case for you but for ME I slowly went from identifying as bisexual to someone who only wants to date women but feels some attraction to SOME men to ultimately figuring out I was a lesbian experiencing comphet. I won’t claim it’s the same for you, but your wording reminded me of myself so I thought I’d mention it in case you’re interested in exploring the possibility.

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Anonymous OP 7w

I get what you mean, I’m just offering another perspective on the point of labels. And I have considered it, but honestly what’s stopping me is much less comphet and much more the fact that as this post illustrates, many lesbians as a community are not super open to anyone who is still unsure about their attraction to men or who might experience scant attraction to men.

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Anonymous OP 7w

I’m not saying that to shit on lesbians or anything but I just think it’s a bit ironic that you are like “have you considered lesbianism” when I would never call myself a lesbian BECAUSE of posts like this

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Anonymous #4 7w

hey it’s one thing if you’re exploring your identity and think you might actually be a lesbian, then you’re more than welcome in the community. I never meant to shut out people who are questioning. All I’ve been talking about is people who know for a fact that they feel attraction towards men.

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Anonymous OP 7w

I mean. It kinda does. And you’re still at least partially invalidating genderfluid people.

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Anonymous #1 7w

could you please go back and explain what point it is that you’re making? Is it that lesbianism excludes gender fluid people?

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Anonymous #4 7w

I feel like you misunderstood my point completely. Never has any of this been about people who are questioning or exploring their identity. It’s about people who KNOW their identity (like pan or bi) and KNOW that it includes attraction to men, and STILL want to identify as lesbian anyways. All I want, as a lesbian, is for people to respect the identity for what it is and to not give fuel to the people who constantly invalidate it.

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Anonymous OP 7w

I do get what you’re saying, and I think it sucks that the fear of further homophobia sometimes forces us to be more guarded. Personally I think I view my sexuality as a spectrum in a way that doesn’t align with lesbianism unfortunately but now I’m rambling. I still think what’s most important is we’re all girl kissers and we should all kiss each other 😘

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Anonymous #4 7w

That is something we all can agree on yes 😌

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Anonymous #2 7w

appropriating a sexuality for political reasons is the opposite of woke tbf

1

Anonymous OP 7w

I agree with the original point of your post (about identifying as smth for political reasons when you otherwise would not). but there is a point to be made about where the line between “gay/lesbian” and “bi/pan” is. the point people are trying to make here is that that “line” is utterly arbitrary.

1

Anonymous #5 7w

if a lesbian dating a gender fluid person doesn’t make them bi, does dating a demiboy? does dating a very masc-leaning bigender/genderfluid? a non-binary man? a genderqueer man? if any of those is “too far” for dating, what about talking stages? crushes? crushes, but you lose them when reciprocated? fantasizing about them but not wanting to date? just thinking they’re attractive? wanting to do backflips in an alleyway with them?

1

Anonymous #5 7w

the “line” is different for everyone, and a lot of people have VERY messy experiences with attraction. if this were universally easy to figure out, there’d be no such thing as “questioning.” that messiness is why we use labels as tools & not rules… though mislabeling yourself for political reasons is a clear misuse of those tools

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