Anonymous OP 21h

Being able to love a guy would’ve been the best outcome but I can’t even fucking have that. He’s incredible, my family likes him, and he seems objectively perfect for me to start a family with. But I can’t fucking do it.

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Anonymous OP 21h

Hey I went through this if you need someone to talk to

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Anonymous #1 21h

I don’t even know where to begin but. What are you supposed to do. In literally every single regard besides romantic/sexual love, it seems perfect to stay with him. But I don’t want to lie to him and lead him on.

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Anonymous #2 21h

Yeah I was also raised Catholic and abandoned that years ago. The religious guilt means nothing to me, it’s basically the practicality of it all. But then I feel like shit for analyzing this all so “logistically.” But my boyfriend is so sweet I wouldn’t be fine lying to him. So everything just… sucks.

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Anonymous OP 20h

I get it. It’s really isolating. I was also raised Catholic and went to 12 years of Catholic school. I broke down when I had the man that who was everything that I said I needed in order to be attracted to a man. And he still wasn’t enough and I have spent years in therapy learning to love and accept myself

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Anonymous OP 20h

Yeah girl idk. The religious guilt still hits me and I don’t even realize that’s what it is, so perhaps think about it with a more open mind. It sounds like you have some deconstructing of comp het.

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Anonymous #2 16h

Well the logistics are that I think he's a great person, the perfect match for me personality-wise, and my family likes him too. We get along great together and I'd be fine spending the rest of my life with him—if not for this stupid sexuality. Everything would be perfect if I loved him romantically too.

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Anonymous OP 16h

Sorry I don't even know what to say it's just. Frustrating. Feelings are so frustrating. They're not something concrete you can measure, so you can't even know 100%. Being gay is a choice my ass, this fucking sucks. (I don't mean this to come off as homophobia towards other people, it's all frustration at myself for being unable to be content in this situation) (also sorry for double notifs I replied to the wrong person)

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Anonymous OP 16h

Baby it’s not your fault. You can’t force attraction. I’ve tried. And it’s not your fault. He’s not perfect for you because you don’t like men that way. And that’s fine. You can’t control who you love. Choose love. Love yourself. Love women. Love whomever.

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Anonymous #1 16h

Hhh I’ve always found therapy really dull and like a waste of my time. I’ve gone like 4 different times throughout my life. Though only recently when I went to a psychiatrist and got mood stabilizers and ADHD meds have I had this much clarity on my emotions and life and it really sucks to suddenly feel so strongly about this. I thought I was lesbian in middle/highschool, accepted maybe I was bi within the past 6 months, and now I’m here. Back to square one but in this situation.

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Anonymous OP 16h

It’s okay girl. A lot of us have been there. Are you on the lesbian yikyak? You might get more advice from people who also went through similar things. I know it’s not a choice. I love women so much, but sometimes I think that (in this world) I would’ve wished to be straight. It’s easier, in a sad way. But only if you actually found them attractive.

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Anonymous OP 16h

Also, you can’t logic your way out of feelings. That’s something I’ve also tried. But the feelings affect your logic. They’re inescapable. The only thing we can do is manage, understand, and move to feel better.

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Anonymous #2 15h

This is honestly such an amazing way to word everything and I wish I could have seen it earlier in my life bc I know it would have helped me. Like it’s not easy at all and finding ppl who felt the same way I did is what helped me

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Anonymous OP 15h

I just found therapy to be one of the best places to voice all my thoughts and feelings. Therapy was one of the main ways I learned to love and accept myself and not feel shame towards my sexuality

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