LGBTQIA+ on Sidechat | I hate when a they/them gets a bf and immediately starts acting/dressing more fem 😕like baby you just lost all your swag

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LGBTQIA+ 10w

I hate when a they/them gets a bf and immediately starts acting/dressing more fem 😕like baby you just lost all your swag

170

Anonymous 10w

not nonbinary, but having a straight boyfriend made me feel like exploring my gender identity was illegal. (bro literally said “idc if you dress masculine sometimes as long as you don’t think you’re a guy)

Anonymous 10w

So? Who says they/them ppl cant be fem too? Let then live their life as they want to

Anonymous 10w

you say this as if only people who were AFAB use they/them pronouns

Anonymous 10w

this but literally when its bi/straight girls too. the pain it causes me to see it 😭😫. nothing is wrong with fem girls and nbs but it feels like watching an angel die when they suddenly change their entire style and personality just for a cis man with a 4chan account

Anonymous 10w

Theory: the contrast of different relationship dynamics tends to push us towards what we assume would balance the dynamic out. Weather that be a hierarchy situation or rolls that are called for in a specific scenario

Anonymous 10w

Gang wanting clarification: this post was in no way disregarding the people who are nonbinary and explore gender identity, it was made with an observation that I’ve personally had with someone presenting more fem after getting a bf while hardly ever doing so in the years that I’ve known them. they had times where they felt more fem/masc than others but it was never as frequent as it has been since a man has entered the picture

Anonymous 9w

No I had to watch someone I didn’t even like be forced back into the closet bc their boyfriend said he’d break up with them if they weren’t “a girl”, and it was so saddening. Like they stoped using they/them and switched back to their deadname and everything. And then broke up with him months later bc he was controlling and homophobic

Anonymous 10w

Ngl this is such a non-issue + they're happy where they are.

Anonymous

#1 10w

no I think OP also hates when transfem NBs become more fem to please their bfs who want a straight relationship

Anonymous

#4 10w

this was supposed to be a joke but it sounds like smth that people might genuinely think is an issue 😭

Anonymous

#2 10w

tbf I know a them who started dating a cishet Christian guy and basically detransitioned and stopped calling me by my own pronouns. so. sometimes it’s a problem 😭

Anonymous

#4 10w

Sure it can be like in that case but to me this post just screams “if nbs aren’t androgynous then theyre attention seekers” type vibes and that shit sucks

Anonymous

#2 10w

I think OP just needs to clarify what inspired this post since all of us are just applying our own experiences to interpret smth that’s vague

Anonymous

#4 10w

True more clarification would be nice cause i dont wanna unfairly label someone as bigoted if theres more to the story

Anonymous

#4 10w

I was certainly prepared to have to tell OP that it’s also a terrible look to discourage transfem nonbinary people from presenting more feminine 💀

Anonymous

#5 10w

Eesh

Anonymous

#5 10w

I mean that is sad and unfortunate but the partner is also allowed to have preferences. Theirs unfortunately line up with mainstream ideas. That’s a signal they weren’t right for you and I assume you two aren’t together

Anonymous

#7 10w

oh dw, i dumped his ass because it was clear that i didn’t deserve to break myself into his type (he had a goth girl fetish and i dress more alt)

Anonymous

#2 10w

I obviously know that using they/them pronouns doesn’t automatically mean someone is androgynes, I’m referring to the idea of someone changing themselves when someone else enters their life

Anonymous

OP 10w

idk if that really helps, shifting one’s presentation in any given direction kinda just *is* “exploring gender identity” regardless of whether you personally approve or believe it to be disingenuous or not

-1

Anonymous

#1 10w

I promise that’s not the intention 😭 I just feel like so many ppl go through the struggle of figuring out who they are and then have all their progress regressed bc they want someone to like them

Anonymous

OP 10w

I know it probably sounds like I’m trying to nitpick you, but I can believe you when you say that’s what’s going on with the specific person who inspired this post. I just feel like wording it as an imprecise generalization means doing splash damage to people for whom a shift in presentation really is organic gender exploration

Anonymous

#1 9w

Very common issue unfortunately, had another NB person on Grindr (who didn’t read my profile ig) go “wait I thought you were non binary too” cause im AMAB. Admittedly I have tattooed top scars (cause they cool lookin and I got dysphoria from having a dent in my chest) so the misunderstanding makes sense sometimes but people default to NB=AFAB cause it’s more seen and understand

Anonymous

#10 9w

And this exact situation has happened to two people that I know. A third person used she/they and started going by only she/her when dating this straight guy and then switched back after breaking up with him. I seriously wish that straight guys would 1) respect people’s gender identity, and 2) not try to change people after they start dating them. why are you being an asshole about something you knew about? (Because of the not acknowledging or respecting their gender identity. Ik but it sucks)

Anonymous

#10 9w

Obligatory disclaimer: this is not about all straight guys. Only the ones who see AFAB nb people as women and then act shocked when they’re not women