Anonymous #2 4w

Omg lol 😆

16

Anonymous #2 4w

SAME

13

Anonymous #4 4w

LOOK ITS SCARY OKAY 😭😭

41

Anonymous #6 4w

I AGREE THEY SCARE TF OUT OF ME 😭😭

23

Anonymous #7 4w

then clearly you got into it via the wrong routes… people say things like negotiation, safe wording/safe systems, checklists, pre scripted scenes, and pre decided aftercare “take the fun away” but once you get used to it it doesn’t AT ALL and it prevent shit like this from happening.

25

Anonymous #10 4w

Unfortunately I didn’t make the post, but you are super correct 👏

34

Anonymous OP 4w

GOOD >:3 FEAR MEEEEE

15

Anonymous #9 4w

Yeah those are all boundaries of mine that were not respected in this situation. It is kinda weird and victim blaming to say “then clearly you got into it via the wrong routes”. There is a problem with consent not being respected in BDSM spaces and people should be able to talk about the harm it causes

27

Anonymous #7 4w

i guess i could’ve asked if you tried to instate those boundaries, that’s on me. but in my mind anyone participating in BDSM who lets those boundaries fall off (i get there are reasons this could go awry) even after being with someone for a long time should realize that they’re not being healthy about it anymore and might be being abused… i am sorry you went though that though 😔

1

Anonymous #9 4w

It only took it happening once. I left after it happened once but I am no longer the same person I was before that happened. I was beat so severely, I remember begging them to not hit me as hard and being told to shut up, I used our safe word but that didn’t matter, that made me get hit harder. I was tied up so it’s not like I could get up and leave. I remember begging them to stop but you are right I should have realized it wasn’t healthy anymore and left before getting beat

4

Anonymous #9 4w

And this is my problem with the BDSM community, it is somehow my fault that my boundaries weren’t respected even tho it happened once. It takes one incident for it to go from being consensual to it being abuse and NO ONE should be told, “in my mind anyone participating in BDSM who lets those boundaries fall off…should realize that they aren’t being healthy anymore” bc it takes it happening ONE TIME. So please stop victim blaming

6

Anonymous #7 4w

Oh my god I’m so sorry that happened to you. That’s genuinely so fucking awful. And you’re right, in BDSM spaces people often let their horny speak before their safety, and it’s definitely something that should be talked about. What happened is absolutely not your fault, no amount of “having boundaries” could’ve prevented someone from doing what they did. I hope you have healing and peace in your life now 🩷

3

Anonymous #2 4w

I am doing better now, I just find it important to call out people who victim blame abuse survivors. I have found a lot of ppl in the BDSM community hate when you call out abusive behavior or even talk about your personal experiences with abuse and BDSM bc I have found it gets turned into what number #9 did to me. Like I hate how so many people like #9 consider what happened to me to be my fault

11

Anonymous #7 4w

glad you’re doing better now :). And yeaaa I think a lot of people fail to realize that “BDSM is not inherently abusive” and “people can be abused through BDSM” are both true statements

12

Anonymous #2 4w

Yeah a lot of people become uncomfortable when you bring up how people can be abused through BDSM. I just think it is important to talk about how it can very easily turn into abuse and if it turns into abuse that the submissive or person being abused via BDSM dynamics is not at fault for being abused. I still participate in BDSM but I will have a conversation about abuse and BDSM and my hard boundaries before doing anything

11

Anonymous #2 4w

Like the number of doms who have told me that my boundaries of needing to have a conversation about what is and isn’t okay is too much to ask for and how I’m being dramatic for wanting to have this long conversation is concerning. I have found doms who respect my boundaries and I’ll have fun with them but as a group we need to be able to have these conversations and respect those who want to have hard boundaries

11

Anonymous #10 4w

Even in kink the terms aren’t necessarily the same. You can absolutely make someone top you as a dom (and I don’t just mean by having them penetrate you)

6

Anonymous bimbowizard 4w

I personally keep sex and bdsm separate in my personal opinion it makes things too complicated.

2

Anonymous #7 4w

Anyone who isn’t willing to have a conversation about what is and isn’t okay during sex is an absolute dick, and I’m sorry you’ve been experiencing that. And yeah 100% agreed as a group we need to be able to have those conversations.

2

Anonymous #7 4w

alright, i see your point. i didn’t realize it was a one time instance, i assumed you stayed even after you realized boundaries were slipping. i am a huge supporter of long conversations about boundaries and what is and isn’t ok, and doms being able to negotiate and respect the boundaries of subs. as a sub with pretty specific boundaries myself i get that. i hope you’re doing better now and you’re never in that situation again

-1

Anonymous #9 4w

Don’t assume things about people especially when it comes to abuse. That literally only hurts the victim

7

Anonymous #7 4w

you’re right, and i’m sorry. i made a mistake to make so many assumptions. i figured people would be happy that i learned something instead of downvoting me admitting i was wrong

1

Anonymous #9 4w

I’m rly glad that you can admit that you’re wrong, but your apology was still based on a really flawed viewpoint. If it hadn’t been a one time instance, if the person had stayed even after experiencing abuse, that wouldn’t be anything to blame them for either. That’s very common, actually, and it doesn’t make the abuse their fault. It can be extremely difficult to leave an abusive situation, or to recognize you’re being abused.

9

Anonymous #10 4w

alright

1