LGBTQIA+ on Sidechat | I need advice. I’m a gay man, who recently discovered that the person I’ve been seeing is HIV undetectable. Is that a dealbreaker? Does anybody have any advice? Should I break it off? Should I keep going and play it safe? How do I do that?

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LGBTQIA+ 1w

I need advice. I’m a gay man, who recently discovered that the person I’ve been seeing is HIV undetectable. Is that a dealbreaker? Does anybody have any advice? Should I break it off? Should I keep going and play it safe? How do I do that?

Anonymous 1w

undetectable = untransmittable it wouldn’t be a dealbreaker *for me.* your comfortability is up to you, but you can still follow safe sex practices (condoms, be on PrEP yourself, test regularly, etc). also, remember that this means that you have a partner who is aware of their status and actively managing their condition. there are a lot of people in our community who are not doing either of those things.

Anonymous 1w

it’s bad bc it’s false pretenses but as #1 said youre safe on the illness side

Anonymous

#1 1w

I hate to ask you this, but can you tell me things I probably shouldn’t do? Like we’re using condoms, I’m not on prep, I need you to explain this to me like a caveman

Anonymous

OP 1w

there are a lot of safe sex materials out there, i don’t want to get too far into it just bc i don’t know your exact situation. iirc ACT UP has some informational materials that may be helpful wrt to safe sex/general HIV education. if you can, please get tested soon and have a discussion with a provider about whether PrEP is right for you. depending on your area, planned parenthood/queer health clinics can make it super accessible, affordable, and informative.

Anonymous

#1 1w

Thank you. I found some more of those resources, I feel a lot less worried. At the same time, though I feel like I should probably go get tested before we do anything.