LGBTQIA+ on Sidechat | i think i might be asexual but im not sure. can any ace people lmk their experience?? like i would still have sex and have done it plenty before but i look back at past experiences and realize i think i only did it for my partner’s pleasure… anyways help

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LGBTQIA+ 1d

i think i might be asexual but im not sure. can any ace people lmk their experience?? like i would still have sex and have done it plenty before but i look back at past experiences and realize i think i only did it for my partner’s pleasure… anyways help

Anonymous 1d

Well i heard abt asexuality when i was younger and i figured it was me bc i didnt have sexual feelings towards other ppl, but i kept questioning back-and-forth for a long time bc i had no frame of reference for what ppl meant when they were talking abt sexual attraction. Not knowing what it felt like meant i couldnt be confidently sure i wasnt feeling it. But ive never felt any urge from my heart to pursue partnered sex, if nobody had ever told me abt sex i wouldnt have realized it existed.

Anonymous 22h

i used to be asexual and i'm not anymore, and let me tell you: you'd know if you were sexually attracted to people. i see guys and get turned on and i want to have sex with them. when i was asexual, i had no actual desire for sex, but was willing to participate for a partner. they are VERY different experiences

Anonymous 14h

ace people can also be turned on by Stuff, have fetishes, etc. moans make me go crazy, and they’re typically my. Goal when screwing someone. whether or not you’re having sex for the pleasure of your partner can also be hard to figure out. idunno. do you want Them or Their Reactions / Pleasure in those moments? i wish you luck figuring it out

Anonymous 14h

i suppose when you’re ace it’s hard to what it’s like to Not be, right? when i see random people i might find them attractive or understand that they’re “hot”, but has nothing to do with my will to fuck them, be close to them, be theirs (#aro) etc.

Anonymous

#1 1d

jorkin it’s another story but thats not odd. being ace doesnt mean u lack sexual sensation, sexual contact physically feels the same as anybody else, unless you have something going on medically. So if you had sex and didnt hate it thats not weird. The real question is, did you find the person you had sex with to be sexy? Were you drawn to them, or was it only suggested externally? That’s the core of the question imo

Anonymous

#1 1d

i think for the last partner i’ve had i found them attractive. but the ones before i think it was more suggested externally. it was really after the fact where i realized it was more of an emotional connection with them rather than a sexually motivated act if that makes sense.

Anonymous

OP 1d

Well, if you thought one partner was attractive but otherwise sexual attraction isn’t something you’ve recognized in your own life you might be somewhere on the gray asexuality spectrum. Like if most of your life is functionally asexual, you aren’t attracted to people generally out on the street throughout your day, it’s a rare and unreliable or conditional thing, you still find most discussion of attraction to be unrelatable, graysexuality something to consider.

Anonymous

#1 1d

Another thing to think abt is the dif between sexual attraction vs aesthetic or emotional attraction. Confusing aesthetic and sexual attraction is p common for questioning aces, bc they’re both like appreciation for a person’s looks. Like aesthetically I can appreciate ppl’s fashion sense or interesting face and want to get a good look at it but there’s no sexual urge or magnetism going along w that.

Anonymous

#1 1d

thank you sm this actually helps a lot

Anonymous

#3 14h

i’m demi, so sometimes those feelings come up when i get super close to someone, and even then it’s sorta weak. i can happily imagine fucking my boyfriend. anyone else it’s just like… why? i’m generally sex positive, but most of my fantasies involve faceless people or even objects <- That’s not normal though

Anonymous

#3 14h

(frustratingly an allo’s response to this might be “being Not Demi is called being a whore / everyone’s demi that label doesn’t mean anything.” Then you wouldn’t be more likely to buy a perfume because a hot man was on the packaging Idk. Idk)

Anonymous

#3 14h

thank you sm. this is all still very confusing and i feel overwhelmed by it all but i think im gonna do some more research into it all and see where i fit on this big spectrum. thank you all for your help btw it really helps a lot!!