Anonymous #1 5w

This is just “you can’t be trans/be taken seriously as trans if you don’t pass” shit all over again

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Anonymous #1 5w

Devils advocate here, have you considered that it is a teeny tiny amount of effort for you because it's something top of mind for you and that is just not the case for everyone?

-1

Anonymous OP 5w

I have considered this. WAY before I realized I was trans, I had trans friends. And it still wasn’t a huge deal to remember people’s pronouns. I’m gonna be honest, the number of people who use pronouns that “don’t fit their appearance” is so small, I’m confused how you cannot remember the few people who take more effort. Something like 99% of the population is cis, you can’t give a little bit of effort for the few people you know?

8

Anonymous #1 5w

I've never met a single person in my entire life who has the same name as me and yet people still do sometimes need to be reminded of my name lol I don't understand what point you're trying to make about being a small percentage of the population. If anything that means you should give more grace because the more common things are, the more memorable they are

1

Anonymous #1 5w

All I'm saying is it's not always meant to be a an intense personal slight, sometimes people forget details about a person if there's nothing obvious to remind them of those details

1

Anonymous OP 5w

i think their point is more about pronouns being a constant usage in their life and if they say "hey these are my pronouns" it really isnt that hard to remember if your gonna refer to them?? its not hard at all?? i have a classmate who looks nothing how their pronouns are and its not an issue, i get it if its a first time mistake or a slip of the tongue when you talk about them after they recently came out but pronouns are seriously not that hard.

6

Anonymous #2 5w

I mean is it really hard to remember someone's name? Not particularly but you for sure wouldn't forget it if they had a name tag. I think you're missing my point lol

1

Anonymous #2 5w

i also find it interesting how you use "you are not the most important person in the world" as if we think we are, i think you idea of pronouns goes a bit deeper than the "inconvenience of remembering pronouns".. maybe check and do some reflection on why you feel like you need to say smth so bitter... and im not gonna argue w you so dont try it please

6

Anonymous #2 5w

I'm saying you as in general you not you specifically. There is no self reflection needed lol I recognize I am not the most important thing at top of mind for everyone I encounter and if they forget something about me it's not the end of the world

1

Anonymous #2 5w

Also I'm not bitter and you literally are arguing with me lol

1

Anonymous OP 5w

In general, trans people do not make misgendering a huge deal, because this puts us at risk. When we do make a big stink, it’s because we are getting misgendered and spoken about badly CONSTANTLY. It’s been really damaging to my mental health to consistently hear how I’m supposedly a pr3dator, a liar, looking for attention, how the US govt is trying to take away my medical care, and also misgendering. It’s a “last straw” type thing.

2

Anonymous #1 5w

The ONLY time I have ever witnessed in person (where I knew the full story, not a video on social media where it can be clipped conveniently) a trans person make a big deal was in middle school. He had been publicly out for 3 years, couldn’t access medical care as a kid, and was still being misgendered 3 YEARS LATER. That is a long ass time for people to “forget” or “not put in effort”.

4

Anonymous OP 5w

Social situations constantly require effort, but this is the one that people make a huge deal about? I have a friend with an ED, it takes effort to remember not to talk about food around her. I still do it. I have friends who aren’t out around their families who I know, it takes effort to monitor how I talk around their parents. I still do it. I have friends with dead parents and make an effort to not complain about mine in front of them. It takes effort, I still do it.

5

Anonymous #3 5w

It's not criticizing because you can do whatever you want and it's still misgendering if they/them aren't the preferred pronouns

3

Anonymous #1 5w

Yeah it takes effort, it's still things you could forget. I'm not arguing ppl shouldn't try lol

1

Anonymous OP 5w

But you’re saying we shouldn’t be upset when we get misgendered. We KNOW when people aren’t putting effort in, we’re not stupid. I’m not upset at my family who deadname me but show effort. I’m upset at friends who I’ve reminded for years of my pronouns and they still get them wrong, and put no effort in.

2

Anonymous OP 5w

“Memorizing facts about you” is literally friendship. I “memorize” that this friend likes the color yellow, likes candles, hates sushi, and likes she/her.

2

Anonymous #1 5w

If you've never had to be reminded of anything about any of your friends, you either don't even know what you've forgotten or you never really knew much about your friends. Also this post is not about your bestest friends who've known you're trans for years it's about people who haven't known you long or don't know you well

1

Anonymous #1 5w

I said you can't be too pressed and the first scenario you just listed is more in line with what I'm talking about than the second

1