Anonymous #2 39w

Because it’s still hurtful to give people ALL the options in the entire language and they return no effort to you. In another way, I assume you like multiple foods, right? If you said “hey I like ravioli and also lasagna” and people ONLY served you ravioli for every single meal, it would get exhausting. If you heard “well I think you don’t look like you enjoy lasagna, so I don’t believe you. So I’ll just give you ravioli” frequently, you’d get tired of it.

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Anonymous #1 39w

so essentially what you’re saying is that “any pronouns” actually means that you have a weighted preference across multiple pronouns and want to see a flatter use distribution rather than a spiky one favoring “vanilla” pronouns like “her”?

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Anonymous #2 39w

Yes exactly!

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Anonymous #1 38w

to be honest this seems reasonable to expect from people in your life but i’m not sure it’s reasonable to expect someone who’s well intending but not well educated on the topic of you and your gender idiosyncrasies to know / act on this complex of a preference

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When I introduce myself with multiple pronouns or even as just they/them, it is reasonable to expect not to hear she/her all the time. It’s even more reasonable to expect from friends and family.

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Anonymous #2 38w

I don’t need them to know the complexities of my gender, I simply wish people would not misgender me. I have corrected people probably twice in my entire 3 years of using these pronouns, and both times it was a close friend who knew better.

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Anonymous #2 38w

One last thing (I don’t wanna sound preachy, so sorry): I do know it’s possible because I have people in my life who do switch between my pronouns. They’re not any smarter than anyone else, they’ve just put in a tiny amount of effort more than others. And I know that it’s a tiny amount of effort because I do the same for other people who use multiple pronouns.

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I also don’t believe it is malicious, however that does not mean it does not hurt my feelings. I make efforts to appear NOT as my birth sex, and so I think it’s reasonable for people to use pronouns I give them. (It’s reasonable to expect proper gendering regardless of appearance, but anyway.) I also list she/her last in my set of pronouns because they are LEAST preferred, and I usually say “they/he/she or just they/them”.

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I’ve actually been considering dropping she/her, so that’s a good question. The reason is that I feel like saying they/he misleads people into thinking I’m transmasc which I’m not exactly. To be honest I might do it soon, I’m just not there yet, if that makes sense?

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And to be clear, I would like people to use she/her for me IF people also regularly used the other sets too.

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