Anonymous #1 10w

First let’s not do the “clean” thing. I am not unclean or dirty for having something that the majority of the population doesn’t even know they also have. I don’t typically ask potential partners cause my focus is more on how I’m gonna disclose it to them. In the gay dating world it’s also pretty common to openly display things like the last time you’ve been tested or what prevention methods you use (vaccinations, PreP, etc.) so that aspect of the convo is a bit more streamlined.

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Anonymous OP 10w

sorry i wasn’t trying to offend you. i was just asking if he hid it from you or if you shuts didn’t ask (mostly so i can use the advice for myself)

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Anonymous #1 10w

It’s ok I’m not offended I just don’t like the connotation…he didn’t tell me and I didn’t ask. I was very naive back then I thought stuff like that wouldn’t happen to me. I trusted people way too easily and was too lax when it came to my own standards. It’s possible that he genuinely didn’t know but instead of being an adult and taking responsibility he ran knowing I didn’t have any power in the situation.

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Anonymous OP 10w

wow i’m so sorry 😞

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Anonymous #1 10w

My advice is to learn as much as you can about it. Build your perspective based on what’s actually true instead of how it’s perceived. Truth is if you’re a sexually active adult, herpes is something you can’t really avoid even if you try. I’m not gonna pretend you shouldn’t be afraid of it cause it absolutely sucks. Not cause of symptoms (I have none) but because of stigma. It has completely altered my dating life. It’s an awkward hurdle I have to jump every time I’m interested in somebody.

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Anonymous #6 10w

You can absolutely ask a partner if they’re disease free or questions related to that what I have a problem is calling it “clean.”

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Precisely

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Anonymous #8 10w

If anything my dating life has gotten better and Ive had a lot less people waste my time! Use that stupid stigma to your advantage. Bad date and no exit? Boom. herpes card and run. No hard feelings. People will always be ignorant. I either educate or use the negativity for my advantage.

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Anonymous #9 10w

Yes queen

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Anonymous #10 10w

The type of strain is something to consider. Hsv-1 is most commonly associated with oral herpes/common coldsores while Hsv-2 typically shows as genital herpes. Although this is the trend you can still have you can have oral Hsv-2 and genital Hsv-1. Hsv-2 is considered the more infectious severe strain. [1]

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Anonymous OP 10w

Something I tried but didn’t stick with cause it just wasn’t worth it in my case was taking valacyclovir as a preventative measure. It doesn’t make the risk go away completely but it greatly reduces it as it can both reduce outbreaks and lower the amount of asymptomatic shedding [2]

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Anonymous #10 10w

It’s definitely not just a matter of time. Like OP said there’s antivirals(valacyclovir, acyclovir, or famciclovi) that can cut asymptomatic shedding by 50%. Using barriers and cleaning sex toys between transfers(sorry I couldn’t find another word). Fully wash your hands after fingering her and don’t put them in anyone’s mouth. Also I agree with OP the strain is important so getting to know the specifics would great. I bet your doctor could also shed some light.

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Anonymous #10 10w

maybe i’m an asshole but like if ur so scared to get it, it seems pretty dumb to have sex with someone with genital herpes? like just dont be surprised if u get ts😭

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Anonymous #4 10w

Lmao there’s a difference between saying ur gonna clean a dildo and “sorry we can’t date cause you’re not clean” I’m not that woke but you’re 100% right about everything else

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Anonymous #5 10w

her herpes doesn't matter that much (obvs still somewhat). like yes im a little scared but she didn't ask for this either. nobody gets herpes on purpose, she was screwed over in the past, i love her regardless, and despite my fears i will NOT be holding it against her. and yes i would love to have sex with my girlfriend!!

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Anonymous #10 10w

yeah that’s a nice sentiment, i was thinking u can’t be thatt scared or bothered by herpes if ur dating someone with it knowing there’s a possibility u could get it

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