Girl Talk on Sidechat | HOT TAKE but the concept of men asking for the father's permission to marry a woman before proposing is misogynistic

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Girl Talk 12w

HOT TAKE but the concept of men asking for the father's permission to marry a woman before proposing is misogynistic

Anonymous 12w

I get what you mean. Idk my boyfriend always said he wanted to ask for my dad’s blessing to marry me, but only bc he likes the tradition and knows how important my family is to me. It meant something bc my dad is an immigrant and all my other bfs were scared of him. But now my dad hates my bf, for reasons that I understand culturally but are also completely unreasonable. So I’m ngl, I mourn it a little. I could’ve had that, my dad’s blessing. But he may never give it. And marriage is more scary

Anonymous 12w

Nah I want my parents to approve of My spouse tbh. They’re a lot wiser than me

Anonymous 12w

i agree when it comes to asking JUST the dad. if one parent is absent/passed obviously this isn’t possible, but i really like the idea of him asking BOTH of my parents. bc honestly, my mom’s approval of a man means more to me than my dad’s.

Anonymous

#2 12w

because of that, basically. I also think a fathers blessing is a bit of a luxury, approval is a gift whether it come from either parent. I would give a kidney to know I had that kind of support. And while I know it’s rooted in bullshit, for me it’s rooted in practicality. My dad is the breadwinner. And my parents are retiring. If I do choose something he strongly believes against, my whole life is a question. Yeah I’d have a job, but would I have my family? Support? It’s patriarchy I mourn ig

Anonymous 12w

Yeah honestly I don’t need my dad’s permission to do anything. I do what I feel is right (or right for me) regardless. I do wish I could have that though. I think I like certain traditions bc to me they mean support more than permission, since I know I’ll do whatever regardless. Kinda sucks. Idk maybe if they didn’t exist I wouldn’t feel that way? Or my dad’s blessing wouldn’t feel as inclined to threaten our relationship abt certain things? Anyway I’m a little drunk I’m sorry to like ramble lol

Anonymous 12w

I do think my bf might ask my mom tho if my dad seems like a no go lol… would say yes. And she has my grandmothers ring, which I inherited, so he’d probably want that regardless. I think the traditions like that aren’t as gender specific to my partner as others at least

Anonymous 12w

And hey I hope so 😭 long story short my family is middle eastern and my bf is in the military… so I understand, but I think the length of assumptions is unreasonable. And the inability to reconsider the assumptions. I actually think they’d really like each other if it weren’t for that. Unintentionally, this is the bf I’ve had both most compatible and least acceptable to my dad. It’s almost like they’re too similar to get along 😭

Anonymous

#3 12w

i agree! but here i was talking about the tradition and historical meaning of the man asking the father and only the father. but i think the approval of the parents is always something to be considered

Anonymous

#4 12w

yes!! bc the whole tradition of asking ONLY the father has incredibly messed up roots, but asking both parents imo is a sign of respecting and valuing the family as a whole and their relationship as opposed to just the partner

Anonymous

OP 12w

Oooh yes agreed