Anonymous #1 6w

That’s why I’m not only talking about that, I’m talking about people thinking women as a whole can’t like anything different than vanilla (don’t wanna go in detail about the types bc this isn’t a sexual chat but that’s why I said vanilla bc that’s the only one ppl don’t apply this thinking to). I’m also aware from talking to other people that that situation that you’re mentioning isn’t as “only men want to do this to women” as ppl make it seem bc of the amount of people that I know that

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Anonymous OP 6w

only participate in it because their partner asked them to (yes I know that’s not the only experience but it’s also enough to realize this isn’t just fully “women hate this but men make them do it” as ppl keep trying to make it seem). Yeah the world isn’t a vacuum it also isn’t black and white where every single woman ever is just being forced to do something not vanilla (bc again I’m not even specifically talking about cnc) and can’t possibly enjoy something different

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Anonymous OP 6w

obviously it’s not always the man taking the active role, but the majority of the time it is, and there’s a reason for that. again i don’t doubt there are women who genuinely enjoy it but at the same time any convo about the societal pressure for WHY women are the ones consistently being treated violently when having sex is instantly shut down with “well women like it too!” like yeah! let’s dig into WHY!

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Anonymous OP 6w

Also, didn’t add it to the post but the reason it’s so important is because it’s an insanely dangerous hill to die on that women can’t like things that are 1. Out of the “norm” 2. Other women don’t like 3. That women can’t be their own people and have their own desires, likes, dislikes etc. without a man being involved. It’s also kinda just an inherently hypocritical idea since we constantly say we don’t do things just for men so why claim everything someone doesn’t agree with must be for men?

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Anonymous OP 6w

bc a lot of times it is for a man, which is why it’s so important to have the convo of examining why you like something. i can’t tell you how many times i’ve heard women, including my friends, complain that they had to do something they didn’t like, and pretend to like it, just so they wouldn’t be labeled as vanilla. again i also enjoy non-vanilla sex and im a lesbian so obv it has nothing to do with men, but there is a culture of women ignoring their own boundaries when having sex with men

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Anonymous #1 6w

And like we both keep saying that’s not always the case. That’s why I said it’s not progressive to pretend that every woman can’t enjoy these things bc by the logic of the people I’m talking about you only like it bc a man did something to you. Also again, someone can like something and it not being related to men, making it seem like women who do like it need to unpack there reasons bc a man must be the reason why is strange within itself. Never said it’s not possible I said framing situations

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Anonymous OP 6w

like it’s only one or the other is dangerous, hypocritical, and the same way you said ppl don’t want to be shamed for being vanilla people also don’t want to be shamed for not being such. It’s literally a case you can’t pretend that everyone is in the same situation bc now it’s leading to a harmful, shameful, and frankly disrespectful place

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Anonymous OP 6w

yeah i’m not arguing that 😭 im just saying it’s worth exploring why you like something. i think the blanket statement of “if you like it that’s enough and you don’t have to do any introspection at all” is just as dangerous, especially with how things are rn for women in general

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Anonymous #1 6w

Not saying that people shouldn’t inspect things you should do that for everything, doing it bc it must be for a man is the problem. The problem is assuming that it must be because a man made you feel that way.

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Anonymous OP 6w

acknowledging that we live in a patriarchy and men’s pleasure is seen as more important than a woman’s comfort & boundaries, especially when it comes to sex, is not assuming it’s about a man. it’s literally just the unfortunate reality for a lot of women. idk how else to explain it but understanding the reality of how patriarchy works does not undermine a woman’s agency. pretending like oppression can’t carry over into the bedroom does though

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Anonymous #1 6w

Literally never said that it wasn’t. The entire conversation is about the assumption that a woman can’t like something by herself. Telling women that they can’t possibly enjoy something on their own without a man being involved is actively playing into the exact behaviors you’re criticizing. Not once did I say it wasn’t possible or that people don’t experience what you said, I said it’s not progressive to assume that some women can’t possibly enjoy certain sexual practices without a man forcing

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Anonymous OP 6w

them to. People saying no woman would ever enjoy multiple partners regardless of gender, certain positions, certain kinks, etc. because you believe that it’s not possibly for them to isn’t helpful. No one said there wasn’t a culture surrounding it but there’s also a rise in purity culture and people use the first to justify the latter. The entire post is about how it’s wrong to assume that no one could ever like something on their own and automatically attributing that like to a man even when

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Anonymous OP 6w

that’s not the case. Pretending that some women can’t possibly enjoy certain things unless a man made them directly plays into the patriarchy as well and assuming that she just hasn’t fully unpacked the reason bc a man isn’t the reason she likes something is a problem and like I said we can use you as an example, do you only like anything bc a man made you or is that an absurd thing for me, a stranger, to assume? You don’t actually like what you like, you only think you do bc a man made you. Am

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Anonymous OP 6w

I correct or is that a weird thing for me to think?

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Anonymous OP 6w

atp we’re just saying the same thing over and over. i don’t even think we’re disagreeing, i was just offering a reasoning why it might seem like people aren’t believing women when really it’s just saying how introspection is important, esp in the patriarchal society we live in. for the millionth time im not fucking arguing women can never like kinky stuff, i’m a lesbian who does and obviously that doesn’t have anything to do with a man, but men have historically dictated what is “in” sexually

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Anonymous #1 6w

I know which is why I don’t understand why this is a conversation in the first place. I know why which is why I made a comment under the post that I know the reasoning but that reasoning doesn’t mean people can override when a woman says she likes things herself. No level of introspection is going to change whether or not someone’s reasoning has nothing to do with it. The reason I keep saying this is because there’s genuinely no reason to bring it up in the first place when I said some and when

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Anonymous OP 6w

I already said I know why and that why can be used to discredit women when they say they like certain things. I’m not arguing that you believe that I’m arguing that the point people use isn’t enough to justify telling people that it’s not possible for women to like things at all

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Anonymous OP 6w

Also yeah I’m queer too which is another reason why I’m saying this bc those people’s point then implies that queer women also only like things because of men. I’m not saying that you believe this I’m saying that the people who use that rational aren’t pushing the issue the way they should be bc the way they’re doing it intentionally or unintentionally is still causing harm towards women

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Anonymous OP 6w

okay 👍

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