Anonymous #1 1w

why do you say that?

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Anonymous OP 1w

i’m not saying it’s every man, but a LOT of them use women sharing past stories of assault against them. i can’t tell you how many of my friends told their bfs (now exes) about what happened only for them to do the exact same thing. or use it against them in an argument. or insult them. or tell their friends. or not believe them.

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Anonymous #1 1w

I think that’s all the more reason to tell him, as a sort of test. I definitely get your concern but I think it’s necessary to share that with a long term partner because it will inevitably come up. I had to tell my husband pretty early on bc we’re into some taboo things and my ex r*ped me in a specific (but common) way that I will never try consensually, so my S/O doesn’t even suggest trying it now.

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Anonymous #3 1w

yeah i guess that’s the difference between a long term partner and someone you’ve only just started seeing. i personally think there are better and safer ways to test that but what works for me might not work for someone else

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Anonymous #1 1w

I truly don’t think that would happen with him, its just I don’t want to make him uncomfortable or deal with the awkwardness of the conversation. it’s been 3 years since my assault and im very open about it so im not worried that he would tell ppl and we’ve already had sex and I’ve felt completely safe with him. some of my hesitation really just comes from feeling like there’s no purpose in telling him because what would even change so idk why i feel like I want to tell him

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Anonymous #3 1w

this actually sounds quite similar to my situation. he hasn’t mentioned trying the the thing that I never want to try but I’d rather tell him than him ask and then have to explain in the moment

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Anonymous #1 1w

I wouldn’t really call it a test, we’ve already been together for four months and I trust him completely. I just feel like this is something i want him to know about me

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Anonymous OP 1w

I think if you think it’s important, you should tell him. Just make sure to make ample time for the conversation, rather than it being a passing mention. Explain that you don’t think it will change anything, but that you trust him enough to know and hope it’ll bring you two closer. Trauma is a very intimate and private topic, it’s a big deal to be sharing that with him.

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