Anonymous #1 1w

mind you, we were together for 2 years and the whole time i tried to help him go back to school. he wouldn’t commit the time and energy necessary, blowing off every single opportunity and program i found for him. he was smart but had a lot of learned helplessness and didn’t want to fail, so never fully tried. i loved him so much but he just refused to love himself. sometimes you have to be a little “selfish” to have the life you deserve ❤️‍🩹

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Anonymous #1 1w

Thank you for this and I'm sorry you had to go through that. It seems to be a relatively similar situation. Mine is workinf very hard at obtaining his dream job and it's coming along. It's just that his depression came along so suddenly and he says he just is pushing everyone out right now. I just don't know how to feel about that applying to me too. I feel so empty and like basically single right now because we just don't talk like we used to and he doesn't seem to care like he used to but

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Anonymous OP 1w

swears up and down he does. I just don't know how long the episode will last or if we will find a system to work through that helps us both. Maybe I'm too attached for our age. It just really seemed like he was literally going to be the one. And I don't say that lightly like I've dated amany before and never actually believed that. It's just that now I do and it's making it hard

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Anonymous #2 1w

i say this as someone with my own mental health problems, who has done a lot of therapy and takes responsibility for my actions rather than making excuses. not being ableist here

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Anonymous OP 1w

i felt the same exact way! you’re never too young to feel real love imo. this ex was the first man i could picture a future with, the first i would’ve married and planned to. but he couldn’t be a real life partner. like he said the right things but his behavior didn’t match. when we broke up i told him it was all just too much for me to handle, he was hurt bc he felt he was finally trying and i didn’t want what i asked for. in reality it was just too little too late after begging him for so long

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Anonymous #1 1w

the lesson he taught me was being a partner means actively choosing someone and supporting them, love isn’t always enough to form a healthy lasting bond. but also there’s always someone out there to love. i didn’t think id want to commit to anyone like that before him and then he showed up, proving me wrong. and ill be proved wrong so many more times in life, ill love so many people and be so many things. our heart grows and makes room all the time :)

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Anonymous #2 1w

Yes thank you. I don't know he is working on it and it's only been like a couple of weeks. He's on medication and going to be seeing a therapist soon. You're right though it is hard when I have to literally tell him to talk to me more or act like he loves me. It feels like when he does talk to me it's about his depression and how awful he feels. Other than that, unless we're seeing each other in person which we do like a day out of the week, he hardly seems interested in me. I feel so stuck

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Anonymous #1 1w

That's really beautiful thank you. I don't know I want to give it more time. I just can't really talk about it to anyone in my life it feels. It's really personal to him and I also don't want to stain the way people view him when they don't know the full picture idk it seems like it could go south.

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Anonymous #3 1w

That does not mean I don’t still love my bf but I just can’t really show it or feel it during those episodes. Since I’ve had depressive episodes before I can warn him of what might happen and when it might be coming on. Because he knows that during these episodes I will not have interest in anything that it isn’t a personal slight against him, it is just the depression. He’s been pretty understanding and we talk about any issues that might’ve come up (usually after the worst of it has past)

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Anonymous #3 1w

But I would completely understand if that’s a dealbreaker for some people. It is definitely worth a conversation with your bf and a look inside yourself to see if YOU are able to emotionally handle it, and it’s okay if the answer is no

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Anonymous OP 1w

yes ofc! do what feels right for you! but also pls know nobody will ever fully understand bc they weren’t there, they didn’t feel and experience what you did together. at the same time it’s healthy to talk to others! the other option is it just building up inside.. you don’t have to share every detail, focus on just how you’re feeling about the situation. your friends can help you define any confusing emotions and then you can decide what to do about them after. stay strong, itll turn out xxx

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Anonymous #3 1w

Thanks this sounds a lot like how he described it. His last episode was years long like from middle school to the middle of high school. And now it's starting again and he is a completely different person. He has had a few good days where it almost feels somewhat like before, but still he's not the same. I know it's not his fault and he still loves me, it's just hard because what I'm used to and what I think is more normal for a relationship is something I can only look back on

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Anonymous OP 1w

It's just so stressful and I don't know how to navigate it at all

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Anonymous OP 1w

That’s completely fair. It is very stressful. I’m guessing he didn’t tell you that this was a possibility going into the relationship? Definitely keep communication open and honest. I know it is awkward to talk about this with a friend but it might be beneficial because they will know both you and him better so be better able to support and guide you

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Anonymous #3 1w

Yeah you're right. I just feel like that gives it the opportunity to snowball. He told me that he'd been through a bad depressive episode and lots of panic attacks before, but didn't really clarify that it could happen again. I don't know if he knew it would.

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