Friend Advice on Sidechat | Anyone else think “you don’t owe anyone an explanation for cutting them off” is an unnatural and antisocial way to avoid conflict?

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Friend Advice 1w

Anyone else think “you don’t owe anyone an explanation for cutting them off” is an unnatural and antisocial way to avoid conflict?

641

Anonymous 1w

it can be simultaneously true that you don't owe anyone an explanation but you're still kind of being a dick if you don't give one

170

Anonymous 1w

i told two close friends that i needed space after they broke up and one of them sexually assaulted the other. the other one cheated in order to have a “moral reason to end the relationship”. the whole situation was so fucked i just needed to dip. cheater got an explanation.

Anonymous 1w

Unless giving that person an explanation would put you in danger then I agree, yeah

Anonymous 1w

I think it really depends on the situation, but tbh if someone ghosts me I feel like that is a response in and of itself

Anonymous 1w

Personally if a guy does something that makes me uncomfortable I will cut them off without an explanation aka ghost them. Idk maybe they deserve a reason but I also don’t want to give them an opportunity to give me an excuse. Should I let them explain themselves? Maybe in certain situations but not the ones I’ve dealt with.

Anonymous 1w

No cause this was my issue last week. A childhood friend reached out to me yesterday and gave me their time (rough past). My initial thought was I don’t really want to talk to u at all but I needed to realize I should talk and be civil instead of ignore and ghost them.

Anonymous 1w

My former best friend gave me a pdf file of bullet points explaining everything she let build up over the last 10 years when she ended our friendship. While they were all things that easily could’ve been discussed and worked through years ago and I thought most of the perceived sleights were her playing victim, I at least appreciated knowing it wasn’t anything I could’ve fixed. So there’s no wondering on my end

Anonymous 1w

If the person deserves to be cut off, I don’t see a problem but if it’s out of the blue , I feel that’s inconsiderate.

Anonymous 1w

You do owe them an explanation if you want a successful relationship for the future

Anonymous

#1 1w

I think these types of people haven’t been randomly evicted from enough friendships to know how painful it is, or they just want to reverse the roles

Anonymous

OP 1w

"you don't owe them an explanation" is good advice if you're on the receiving end of a toxic relationship, but it is also advice that enables some bad behaviors for sure

107

Anonymous

#2 1w

I mainly say this because I was in a situationship and I went to hangout with a different guy in college that I also went to high school with. I wanted to make friends and I was willing to take anyone I could get. ANYWAYS we were watching Netflix and out of no where he stuck his hand somewhere it didn’t belong. I froze and left after the show. I removed him and didn’t give him a reason because I don’t think he deserves one

Anonymous

#2 1w

I’d say he doesn’t rly need the explanation there because he can put two and two together and figure it out. Guys get pretty shameless when it comes to sex so you probably made the right call, especially since there’s no way to rly trust him anymore

Anonymous

#2 1w

I’m more thinking of situations where the other person legitimately would need to be telepathic to know what they did wrong. When I got to cal I was putting in so much energy into making friends and within a week my whole floor stopped talking to me, including a girl I was hanging with almost daily. I think one guy didn’t like me and decided to poison the well, but I’m still not sure because they won’t tell me

Anonymous

OP 1w

And I know that makes me sound like the common denominator, which for me is the worst part because I’m so willing to take accountability but for the life of me I don’t know wtf I did

Anonymous

#3 1w

Cheating for a moral reason must have been so hard for them. Wish I was that selfless

Anonymous

#2 1w

I mean in that case I think he could guess, I also think sometimes texting someone an explanation and then blocking them is an option, to me I want someone to know why I won’t talk to them anymore out of the 2% chance they decide to actually work on themselves and not do that shit to others

Anonymous

#3 1w

this might be a hot take but i don’t think the cheater is in the wrong. if they were sexually assaulted, they owe their abuser nothing. and the fact that they felt they needed a moral reason to end the relationship (if true) implies that they didn’t think being assaulted was a good enough reason, which is so so sad. but also, if they just cheated as a fuck you, i really can’t blame them

Anonymous

#2 1w

My Sister In Christ, he’s not making you uncomfortable, that’s assault. That’s a completely different situation.

Anonymous

#10 1w

For me the problem comes from the puritanical shunning that stems from this self-defined “deserve/doesn’t deserve”. There’s ways to have boundaries and alter the relationship without resorting to “they don’t deserve connection”

Anonymous

#8 1w

That’s kind of shitty that she’s basically like oh this happened how many years ago and I didn’t talk to you about it but I’m still gonna use it against you