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Fan(fic) Service 3w
Can I get some suggestions on how to make this multiple sentences instead of one very long one? I thought abt asking AI but fuck AI I will talk to the people
13 upvotes, 9 comments. Sidechat image post by Anonymous in Fan(fic) Service. "Can I get some suggestions on how to make this multiple sentences instead of one very long one? I thought abt asking AI but fuck AI I will talk to the people"
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9
upvote 13 downvote
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Anonymous 3w

maybe reframe it more like a list instead of a very long dependent clause? like “he’d suffered greater than this: he fought for his life through essays and contests, barely scraped up enough money for community college, and kept up the fight through the following 4 years of schooling. he’d managed all that, and yet a single non-major class would be his undoing?” just a thought! + undoing is one word :>

upvote 12 downvote
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Anonymous 3w

Why do you want to split it up?

upvote 1 downvote
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Anonymous replying to -> #1 3w

I thought it might flow better…unless you think the flow is fine as is??

upvote 3 downvote
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Anonymous replying to -> #2 3w

ugh you’re a genius I love you

upvote 12 downvote
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Anonymous replying to -> #2 3w

also, if the audience has never heard of these struggles then this might (keyword might) be a good place to describe the anecdotes of those essays and contests, how little money he had left for food and rent after paying tuition, how many sleepless nights he spent working on classwork, so the audience might feel the gravity more.

upvote 11 downvote
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Anonymous replying to -> #2 3w

if you have already touched on it though or this is canon info abt the character, a tasteful “those” could help, like “he suffered all those trials and all that penny-pinching and countless all-nighters only to stumble now?!” but ofc if that past strife isn’t that important, feel free to omit! it’s all abt what really matters

upvote 10 downvote
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Anonymous replying to -> #2 3w

Yes this was what I was thinking if you were gonna edit it

upvote 9 downvote
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Anonymous replying to -> #2 3w

thank you :) I love you :)

upvote 14 downvote
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Anonymous replying to -> OP 3w

happy to help!! peace and love on planet fanfic

upvote 7 downvote