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Fan(fic) Service 7w

Is this paragraph clunky to read or am I okay??????

8 upvotes, 3 comments. Sidechat image post by Anonymous in Fan(fic) Service. "Is this paragraph clunky to read or am I okay??????"

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Anonymous 7w

It’s because the first sentence takes up five lines. It should have been split into two

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Anonymous 7w

Perfectly good paragraph, but maybe consider splitting that first sentence into two? Nothing wrong with it but in purely subjective personal taste it feels like two sentences (1. Dana took her to Chinatown; 2. Description of craftswoman/hairpin) smushed into one.

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Anonymous

#2 7w

It doesn’t feel clunky tho, just long opening sentence

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