
I’m going on an actual date tomorrow which I’ve never even done before, I’m genuinely terrified of it because it just feels like I’m someone who wasn’t meant to date or be intimate with someone else and it feels like I’m doing something wrong by trying to get that sort of thing started in my life
I don’t mean that in a “oh I’m so ugly nobody will ever love me” sort of way I mean it like. Idk I’m just not someone who was meant to have anything but friends and family. I’m very jealous of my friends who allow themselves to be romantic and sexual, I feel like I can’t allow that for myself
At least we’re not alone 🤷 it’s so weird because I really do want to meet and date people, have some physical intimacy etc, but whenever I get opportunities to actually try to achieve that I just give up before even trying. It feels like if a fish wanted to walk on land and knew it just wasn’t worth trying
When I turned 18 I was feeling kinda lonely (small town as a teen type of lonely) so I tried to get on dating apps, I remember matching with a handful of people that were pretty cute. One guy was exactly my type and I only briefly talked to him before chickening out and letting the convo die, this one girl was so beautiful I was surprised she was even talking to me and I couldn’t do that either