Anonymous #5 3w

it pmo when people are like “despite your debilitating trauma/mental illness/disorder, you have to pretend to be normal!!!” like that’s straight-up not how it works. the only thing you’re owed is them being up-front with what might affect you, that’s it.

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Anonymous #5 3w

I completely agree with this. I do however think there’s a difference between unintentional harm caused by responses out of one’s control and deliberately hurting others and using trauma/mental illness as a shield.

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Anonymous #4 3w

This is absolutely not the majority, but there are definitely people out there who will use the fact they are hurting as a free pass to hurt others

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Anonymous #4 3w

true however OP specifically addressed trauma responses, which are inherently out of your control w/o working through them (which, again, can be ugly and takes a long time)

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Anonymous #5 3w

Key word being “working on them.” This doesn’t assume infallibility on the victims end, but it necessitates that you recognize your behavior and actively seek to mitigate that response or lessen it through that work. What I’m saying is you can’t say “oh you can’t be mad at me for that, I only did it because I have trauma.” The trauma cannot be used as an excuse for why you’re now hurting others. It’s your duty to recognize what you did, address it, and seek to remedy the situation if possible.

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Anonymous OP 3w

if you knew they had trauma responses beforehand, then that’s on you for still being there with that knowledge. if they didn’t tell you, that’s on them. end of story.

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Anonymous #5 3w

Hard disagree. We’re friends because we have common interests and I like you. Now if I know you have trauma I can have some grace when interacting, but it’s not my responsibility nor obligation to have grace with you. Your stuff is your responsibility just like mine is mine. We may lean on each other at times but at the end of the day your behavior is on you and mine is on me

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Anonymous OP 3w

insanely privileged take. you’re saying you expect and deserve a facade of normality from someone who TOLD you they can’t always have one. mental illness isn’t always pretty, and if you blame someone for their reactions when they TOLD you it would happen, that’s your fault.

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Anonymous OP 3w

That’s like being mad at someone for having a seizure. PTSD and trauma can cause flashbacks and psychosis which are not pretty or nice. Without extensive therapy trauma response can NOT BE CONTROLLED, just how someone can’t stop mid seizure without treatment, neither can a flashback or panic attack. Clearly you don’t actually care about your friends if you would blame them for something they can’t control

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Anonymous #7 3w

Even with therapy you can still have flashbacks or panic attacks triggered. If you aren’t willing to accept a friend with trauma, honestly good, they deserve so much better than you

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Anonymous #7 3w

I never said I would assign blame or that I wouldn’t be giving people grace. But the issue arises when you expect grace from others. I will not be mad at someone for having seizures, but I will absolutely be mad at them for getting behind the wheel of a car and having an episode. I will never blame someone for having trauma, but having trauma can never be an excuse for behavior. “Sorry I had a bad episode and lashed out” does not mean you didn’t just say extremely hurtful things to me.

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Anonymous OP 3w

Stop digger your hole deeper bc you keep contradicting yourself every single comment. “I never said that I would assign blame it that I wouldn’t be giving people grace” next sentence “but the issue arises when you expect grace from others”. Like seriously… tf. And what more can someone do but apologize? You can’t go back in time and fix it so u have to try to fix it after. Please educate yourself on trauma and ptsd. You need to.

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Anonymous #7 3w

Like yes I would expect some grace for something that I genuinely have no control over. Like how someone with Tourette’s would expect some grace if they accidentally swear or smack something. Like you apologize, fix the situation, move on. You seem to want to dwell on it

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Anonymous OP 3w

I feel like you are either an asshole ir are choosing the worst way (with incorrect terminology) to say “mental health should not be used as an excuse to hurt people” which is valid. But you are saying things like “trauma responses” “having an episode” and all that other bullshit u deleted bc u didn’t want to look like the shitty person u are

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