Anonymous #1 14h

and then wonder why the male loneliness epidemic exists and why misandry is a thing.

6

Anonymous #2 14h

so crazy and i respect your consideration honestly. bare minimum but in this lifetime its honestly amazing lmao.

6

Anonymous OP 14h

Yeah ik it’s the bare minimum and i’m proud of being a decent person, but also I worry more about making people uncomfortable than like literally anything in my day-to-day. It’s in a way that is unhealthy, but dudes like this make me instinctively want to do it more

1

Anonymous OP 14h

This messes me up too because of all i said in my thread. I can’t tell if it’s the loud minority or just most guys but it is so invalidating to spend so much effort in being as decent and respectful and unintrusive as possible only for them to act like animals

1

Anonymous #2 14h

I feel like the acute shittiness of these kinds of dudes also discourages a lot of guys from flirting with women, because there’s this intense desire to not make women uncomfortable and that can lead to an over-correction. And then the shitty dudes just keep being shitty

4

Anonymous #2 14h

im not gonna say its in their nature to act like this because there’s in fact other men like you who are very respectful. i feel like it has to do with the concept of homosociality. where they act a certain way to impress other men. its disgusting and i abhor it. i hope it stops but i dont believe im gonna witness that in my lifetime if ever.

8

Anonymous OP 13h

I think it’s definitely something men are heavily socialized into. The objectification of women is heavily encouraged in a lot of all-male spaces. Frankly I tend not to feel comfortable in all-male spaces. They’re just too bro-ey. My friend groups are usually co-ed.

10

Anonymous #3 13h

i’m all for respectful men approaching women respectfully. we understand that not all men have bad intentions. but the reality is that it’s always a man we’re being cautious of. that’s why many women are naturally wary when a man approaches us. we’ve learned to keep our guard up. a respectful man understands that, doesn’t take it personally, and gives us the time and space to feel safe enough to trust him.

6

Anonymous #3 13h

i am the same honestly and its not because they’re intimidating because im sure they love to come off that way. its because the way they hold themselves and the way some men talk about us makes me uncomfortable to want any of them to think a certain way about me.

8

Anonymous OP 13h

The thing is I feel that in the bro-ey friend groups, you can’t really trust that bad behavior is going to be sufficiently addressed. In a lot of those groups there’s just too much acceptance of like a shitty misogynistic joke or someone doing something out of line and they won’t get pushback because that’s “uncool.” I also just don’t vibe with those groups. I’m into growing orchids and nature hikes, not the interests they usually partake in.

8

Anonymous #3 13h

Agreed all around. For me, I am not asexual but I am incredibly uncomfortable talking about anything related to sex with anyone. My temperament definitely plays into why I am like this, but really I give most of my praise to my mom who i’m extremely grateful taught me empathy and respect and showed me how powerful women can be. I think much of these behaviors comes from being around many of the negative male spaces early in life, especially the adults who play into it, man or woman.

1

Anonymous #3 13h

i so understand that. but also i am not opposed to a well-timed joke thats meant to come off as sarcastic however if i feel like the joke is said with malicious intent ill obviously tell them to explain it and see where things go from there. i have a good sense of humor but i wont stand for mysoginistic takes disguised as jokes and im pretty good at spotting those. i say that as a person who loves a person with a good sense of humor.

15

Anonymous OP 13h

I really try my best to come across as someone very safe. I once hooked up with someone (still good friends with them) and they told me they felt they could be safe and vulnerable around me and I still carry that with me because that’s exactly how I want to be. I want to make sure that I am making people feel safe and comfortable and supported and I want to respect their boundaries and I really don’t want to scare anyone.

3

Anonymous #3 13h

But I know there’s also a ton of shitty dangerous dudes which like try to trick people by seeming safe and ugh it is just so awful

6

Anonymous #2 13h

and i agree with what you said too. im the same any overly intrusive questions are immediately shut down because its really none of their business. and i give credit to your mom too because you seem very respectful and great!

3

Anonymous #3 13h

it is very awful and thats why my guard is always up. once i feel like i neutralized any danger from them i can be very open and warm up easily.

4

Anonymous OP 13h

Yeah like I make jokes but I always want to make sure they are in a context where it is super clear that it’s not hinting at like genuine bigotry. There’s like a difference between jokes with friends who know you are a respectful person and jokes which are just a way to hint at true bigoted feelings

1

Anonymous #2 13h

“repressed”? “anxiety”? if you recognize that Not ogling women in public is doing the bare minimum, I’m confused as to why you still make it sound as if giving active consideration to how you make other people feel is like, mentally ill behavior. or something you only have to concern yourself with because of people like the quoted post’s OP

1

Anonymous #4 13h

No, I do it naturally, but I obsess over making sure i’m not taken in ways i do not intend in a way that is unhealthy and detrimental to my wellbeing. I have a plethora of issues I deal with, i’ve been a victim myself, and being seen as unsafe or making someone uncomfortable is quite literally my biggest fear

1

Anonymous #5 13h

Some chud talking about “there’s no fuckable women at the beach today like why would you wear that swimsuit with your frame”

1

Anonymous #2 13h

especially because, if you Didn’t make the choice to not ogle women in public, then you Would be “someone like him”. it wouldn’t just be an issue of anxiety about how you’re perceived. so… wanting to not be perceived like that motivates you into doing the bare minimum. that’s not a position of neurotic hypervigilance you’ve been cornered into, just a basic tenet of how society functions

1

Anonymous #2 13h

I worded it poorly because i’m a bit delirious from tiredness, but that was the point i wanted to make. I already act the way I want to, but knowing there are people like this, I want anything other than to be viewed like him or my abuser

1

Anonymous #3 13h

Oh ew

1

Anonymous #5 13h

Like they’re not there for you bro

4

Anonymous #4 13h

When I cannot look around while walking down the street because i do not want to be wrongly perceived as looking at anyone improperly, that is not a healthy response. I let people walk all over me and apologize for existing to man and woman, because making them uncomfortable is actively nauseating to think about.

1

Anonymous #2 13h

okay. I can take that at face value, the wording of your original comment just wasn’t sitting right with me

1

Anonymous #4 13h

Yeah i realized it pretty fast but didn’t know how to word it correctly. I probably would have put together a more decipherable comment if I weren’t so tired lol

1