Confessions on Sidechat | Lowkey ive never been around a "gentleman" before and its really weird. Like bro i can open my door myself lol i thought you guys were tired of doing it anyway

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Confessions 1d

Lowkey ive never been around a "gentleman" before and its really weird. Like bro i can open my door myself lol i thought you guys were tired of doing it anyway

Anonymous 1d

My ex was like that, it lowkey pissed me off at first cause I thought he was implying I’m incapable of doing basic things for myself. But I realized it was just one of his ways of showing that he respected me, so I got used to it. He knew I didn’t need princess treatment, he just felt like I was worth it if that makes sense

Anonymous 1d

I think there’s a distinction to be made between sex-based chivalry (which is well meaning but rooted in patriarchy) and politeness. I hold doors open for women, but that’s because I hold doors open for everybody.

Anonymous 1d

My boyfriend does this and things like this but I also do it for him. He always pulls the chair out for me, holds my bags, etc. I make sure to help him carry things, hold doors if he doesn’t get there first, etc. I think of it as an affectionate thing, like I care about you to the amount that I don’t want you to be even slightly inconvenienced. He does things like that for his family too (including his father) so it’s not gender based. Some people show love through actions.

Anonymous

#1 1d

It just makes me think he thinks of women like we are dumb creatures that will open our legs for doing patriarchal stuff that was really only invented to flex their power over women

Anonymous

OP 1d

That’s also very true, I guess it depends on the person. In my case he was raised to be a gentleman, and he behaved that way even when we were fighting or not having sex. So I trusted that he didn’t have ulterior motives. Some men definitely just want access though so you’re totally right

Anonymous

#1 1d

I’d pay attention to how he acts when you’re getting on his nerves or not wearing makeup or stuff like that. If he suddenly drops the gentleman act he’s a pos

Anonymous

#1 1d

The one im dating was raised by two gay dads so i have no clue where he got this. He was legit in a frat in college too. Like we only just kissed today on our first date but it just makes me feel like such a dumb woman that finally got tricked into letting a man in. Ive been trained to believe most of them only do things for me to get in my pants. I feel like im losing and falling for a trap by giving into the gender roles

Anonymous

#1 1d

Omg i wanna end this with him rn i havent thought about what it would be like to annoy him im wayyyy too sensitive for that lmao

Anonymous

OP 1d

Ohh I guess I assumed yall had been together longer. It’s harder to say whether he has ulterior motives if you started seeing each other recently. My perspective is that I always assume goodwill, like I assume people have good intentions until they prove me wrong. So I’m coming at it from a different angle from you for sure, as I tend to trust ppl pretty quickly

Anonymous

OP 1d

Another thing I’ll say is if you have a bad gut feeling about someone it’s usually right. Would you ever accept gentleman treatment, and it feels wrong from this guy specifically? Cause I’d listen to that feeling for sure

Anonymous

#1 1d

I tend to always get hurt and ignore my gut. My gut is telling me this will end badly. Im not built for relationships

Anonymous

#1 1d

No i was legit raised not knowing what romance was and it all just feels incredibly fake and showy. I have a bad gut feeling about everyone and im always right i just ignore it and give them a chance and then i get played

Anonymous

OP 1d

Okok, like I said don’t ignore your intuition cause it’s usually right. If your gut says he’s a player it’s def not worth the risk! At the same time, maybe you could work on defining “romance” for yourself to help in future relationships? Like maybe write down what real sincere romance would look like to you through a man’s gestures, words, behaviors, etc. Gentleman behavior doesn’t mean romance to you, so what DOES mean romance? Use your own standards to evaluate men if you were never taught!

Anonymous

#1 1d

I think if i figured that out then id be alone because no man actually would do all that for me lol. They'll just find some other girl thats easier to fool

Anonymous

OP 1d

I promise there’s a man out there who would meet your standards. The ones who were raised properly do exist! But ofc it was just a suggestion! to help figure out what behaviors would make you feel desired yet safe at the same time

Anonymous

#1 1d

Shit i didnt mean to say first date we were on our third date and have been talking for like a month

Anonymous

#2 1d

I think there is a difference but also i find when its almost insisted upon it can create like a power imbalance and i feel like i owe him something

Anonymous

OP 1d

I see where you’re coming from. And I think it raises the sort of question of how they view the relationship dynamic. This is partly why I, as a guy, am big on splitting the bill. I’m often willing to do a favor for a partner, but I feel that splitting the bill is kind of a demonstration of mutually agreed upon equality rather than relying on patriarchal expectations.

Anonymous

OP 1d

Ah yeah I see your side too. My earlier comments were based on one guy who I knew for a long time and I knew respected me. He genuinely just believed in traditional chivalry because of his upbringing, didn’t expect anything in return. Sometimes I’d open the door for him and call him m’lady and he was chill w that so the power dynamics felt okay to me. Really depends on the situation fs