
Dominant is not brutal behavior, it is not degradation, it is praise, it is tending, it is directing, it is leading. Sex is like acting, it's not that the pleasure is illegitimate but it is the climax of gender performance. When we truly embody the role we wish to play for our partner we have to be comfortable in it. Men who are insecure in their gender make bad lovers, especially when they see gender as a binary. Understanding this benefits everyones pleasure.