
I used to get similar intrusive thoughts. Then I heard somewhere that your initial thoughts about something were what you were taught to think (or in the case of OCD, what the condition made you think), while your second thoughts truly reflected your character. It helped so much and I’m glad you found something that helped you too 💕
When I was a little kid, like middle school, I would think about a large adult man breaking into my room and molesting and raping me. I didn’t know what intrusive thoughts or ocd were at the time so I thought I would enjoy it and that it would be nice. I now know that isn’t true and that I’m also a sex-repulsed asexual
More recently, high school age, I would have thoughts about fucking my mom and sister and my now deceased dog. Not only thoughts about their bodies and thoughts about having intercourse, but images of their naked bodies and them during intercourse. Not for my dog thankfully, but for my mom and sister sadly. I had known I was ace at this point but not that I had intrusive thoughts, so I thought that I was a disgusting human being and I couldn’t be trusted around my family members.
In a weird way, I think the Edward Elric tactic worked because of how absurd it is. Having a fictional character “beat up” my intrusive thoughts and send them blasting off again was so silly that it made the intrusive thoughts silly by association and suddenly they weren’t something to be feared as much as they were a mild annoyance. The visual imagery of having them get kicked away from me also helped to mentally distance myself from my intrusive thoughts
Another tactic my therapist used was taking my ocd things like eating chips in pairs and counting the number of steps I take per floor tile and label them “Bruno”. My mom picked the name in my first session cuz it was a joint session, and Encanto had recently come out. She said I should use Bruno bc of “We Don’t Talk About Bruno” and it stuck. Every session my therapist would ask me how much Bruno had popped up, and it made me giggle and feel more relaxed talking about it.
Saying “there wasn’t much Bruno” or “there was a bit of Bruno” was a lot less daunting than saying I was doing good or that I had relapsed. And again, there was that separation of idea and self. It wasn’t me, it was the Bruno in my head. And I had to do like Luca and “Silencio Bruno” (another connection made in therapy)
Op I love you, thank you for showing people what real intrusive thoughts are. I sincerely really appreciate it. I know everyone says “dying your hair is impulsive, not intrusive!” but I don’t think that ppl understand just how vile intrusive thoughts can be, and how little it reflects on the person. You are the victim of these thoughts, not the offender. I hope you get more peace with yours.
On a funnier note (it’s funny now but it wasn’t at the time), I had this one recurring intrusive thought that a man would break into my room and stab me through the back with a large butcher knife if I didn’t pull my duvet over my shoulders. I’d practice shallow breaths or holding my breath in case someone was checking to see if I was dead. Bedtime was such a horror show for 5 y/o me