Just I can’t get work done anymore, it feels like I’m permanently broken. And yet everyone thinks I’m fine. I’m at a good college, mostly thru, but I just failed a whole semester and am hiding that whenever people ask. I’ll sidestep the question.

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People think I’m smart and honestly I used to be. I’ve had impressive work experience but I know it was a lot of skill and a lot of luck. But because my brain is broken now I know if I got another job, I’d be toast. It’s a miracle I survived my last one

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4 I’m so lonely. I’m that guy whenever I show up I’m welcomed and really do feel like I’m wanted. But never close enough with people where I’m actually invited. If I bump into friends at a meal I join them, but I’m never be invited to a meal.

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5 Romantically I don’t exist. I’m short, out of shape, a receding hairline already, and bad acne. But looks aren’t everything. I’m charismatic, but only in professional/academic settings, any other environment, i just don’t know how to be social like ever.

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6 So I really get why I don’t have anyone interested in a guy like me. No one’s “dropping a handkerchief for me to pick up”.

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7 All of these problems have gone to my head dropping my confidence even lower. Like why should someone care about me? I don’t see anyone ever loving me for my character because my character isn’t worthy of love. Like deep down I know that anyone would be better off without me. Anyone.

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8 I don’t think I could end it though. I’m not sure why but these thoughts have been around for long enough and I’ve lasted this long so I really don’t think I’d end it. But deep down I don’t really see a point in continuing. Like I’ve read enough of this book. The main character is super predictable. He doesn’t change. It doesn’t have a happy ending. It doesn’t have a love story. It doesn’t have him finding friends. It doesn’t have him being happy in the end.

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10 All it has is him trying not nearly hard enough, constantly feeling the fraud that he is. Feeling deeply and rightfully alone. Wishing he never existed because he doesn’t deserve what he’s been given, but doesn’t have the strength to fix himself nor end himself. Constantly wanting to be gone, knowing it’s the right thing to do, but not having the strength to actually do it.

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11 I’d say I might change but I’ve been here long enough to see that’s not true. And even if i do, my past is still there. I still fucked up. I still have my past, thst no one should forgive. Sorry mom and dad.

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