Ask Women on Sidechat | My bf & I have been together 2 yrs. He’s done a few very fked up things to me but says I’m overlooking all the good he does when I mention breaking up bc I can’t get over those things. He has done a lot of good things too. How to navigate this?

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Ask Women 12w

My bf & I have been together 2 yrs. He’s done a few very fked up things to me but says I’m overlooking all the good he does when I mention breaking up bc I can’t get over those things. He has done a lot of good things too. How to navigate this?

Anonymous 12w

Advice I got from somebody in the past was that the good times will always be there. Subconsciously everybody is going to try to think about the good times (the past) in order to feel better about themselves or their relationship, but it's also necessary to think about the bad times and how truly awful they were too. If what he did truly bothers you, it's going to keep bothering you if you stay and that will fuck with your happiness, trust me I been there after a 5 year relationship

Anonymous 12w

It depends on the gravity of the bad things. I understand it’s so hard when you love someone so much and they are sort of force feeding you all of the good memories, but there’s a reason you are feeling your heart and head tell u to think about breaking up. Don’t lose that in yourself! I know 2 years can feel like such an eternity trust me. Especially in your teens and 20s because those are the years where so much changes and so much happens and moves so fast that it feels like 2 years ago was a

Anonymous

#1 12w

Lifetime. So it feels like you’ve been together for a lifetime,

Anonymous

#1 12w

But trust me girl if your heart and intuition is telling you something is wrong , it’s something to listen to. Especially if when you are bringing these things to his attention, instead of taking accountability and being embarrassed and ashamed and regretful, he’s instead trying to sort of like control your perspective to only look at the “good things” so you won’t focus on the bad. Whether this is intentional or not, it is happening, and it’s not your fault or something you deserve.

Anonymous

#1 12w

I also know in our generation it feels like every man is so awful, because lots of times that’s all we have experience with and that’s all that social media shows us. But I promise there are normal and loving men out there who are healed and grown and can love you like you deserve to be loved. Not to say other people are perfect, everyone has flaws and areas in need of growth, but it sounds like you maybe deserve a love that doesn’t leave you so distressed and confused

Anonymous

#1 12w

And I completely understand reading advice like this can make u feel defensive over him and your relationship, I completely get that, and it’s natural. I am sure when it’s good it’s amazing. But if it’s very bad when it’s bad- I suggest moving on as hard as it is- there’s someone out there whose good is out of this world and whose bad is still filled with love and teamwork.

Anonymous

#1 12w

Sending you love and compassion ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Anonymous

#1 12w

Thank you for this

Anonymous

#3 12w

Very true, the bad times were bad. I know I need to leave thank you